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Gluten-free diet. My rant.

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Svartorm

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There are people in this world that can't eat gluten. Some have Caeliacs disease, where gluten is literally poisonous to their system, resulting in violent illness if exposed to even particles of wheat. Some have a literal allergy to wheat where to touch the stuff results in rashes and can be fatal if eaten.

My best friend in the entire world has both Chrones disease and Caeliacs disease and I've seen how he has go about living his life. He has to consume nearly 6,000 calories of completely gluten-free, starch-free, and sugar-free foods a day to stay alive. He literally has to drink all natural peanut butter out of a jar to avoid wasting away to nothing because his body eats itself alive and can't process 99% of the food on Earth. He makes yogurt in a cardboard box surrounded by heat lamps and tin foil because the store-bought stuff is poisonous to him. His life is often a living hell, because every detail of his meals must be planned out, especially when at work on travelling. There are truly sick people out there.

Then there are ten million women that have decided they're "intolerant" of gluten. What does this mean? I have no fucking clue. The symptoms range from being depressed to gassy to sneezy to headaches. Instead of just using an all-encompassing label like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome to explain why you're a mess, it's become a fad to avoid gluten instead. Normally, I wouldn't care what you tell people so they feel bad for you. If you want to present every simple task in your life as a trial worthy of a two-hour special on Lifetime, that's fine. I'm thankfully not related to you and don't have to deal with your pathetic shenanigans.

However, I own a restaurant, and gluten-free is making my life a nightmare.

When I first opened my restaurant, I received a couple of requests for gluten-free bread, which I was happy to fill. After all, these are sick people whom lead very difficult lives when trying to eat out of their heavily controlled kitchen enviornment at home. The least I could do was provide a safe haven for their serious dietary restrictions, using the years of knowledge I've amassed about Caeliacs preparing meals for my friend.

Then I realized it a was giant joke, and turns out every shitty alternative medical "professional" has decided that gluten is the cause of all of lifes ills, and I happen to have opened a restaurant in Quack Doctor Central. Folks would ask me to put non-gluten free items on gluten-free bread. When I pointed out that said item, such as BBQ sauce or meatloaf contained gluten, I got "Oh, well I'll be bad today! HAHAHA!"

You'll be bad?!?! You'll be violently ill for two weeks.

How this makes sense, I don't know. If you're lactose intolerant, you can't have lactose. At all. No one whose lactose intolerance says "I'm going to be naughty today and drink a quart of chocolate milk!" because you'll be laying on the floor for the next 12 hours wishing you were dead. That's not naughty, that's masocistic.

It is at least gratifiying that the only people on Earth that hate the gluten-free craze more than myself are people that actually have issues with gluten. Because 99% of the people eating "gluten-free" options at a restaurant don't actually have anything wrong with them and ask for all kinds of stupid shit in their food, restaurant professionals don't actually need to learn anything about gluten-free. So, when they're served a gluten free steak dinner with an onion ring on top of it (true story), they get to send it back and be "that guy".

What I'm trying to say is, if a doctor tells you you're intolerant to gluten, you should leave his sweat lodge immediately, and if you tell me you'd like beer-battered chicken fingers on a gluten-free sub roll, I'll hate you forever.


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Post #1   3/20/13 2:47:54PM   

airkerma

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No, how about some advice from me? Don't get ME going on this topic. EVERYBODY has a gluten intolerance...when it's convenient. Then they get on some hyped up new diet without gluten for a month or so. Then they eat something with gluten and get sick and the immediate thought is: "omg im teh so intolerant!". News flash: if you stop eating something for an extended period of time your body BECOMES intolerant of it because you aren't used to eating it. My friend will get sick if he eats meat because he has been a veggie all his life...but he isn't sick, his body just isn't used to it. These people who are 'allergic' to something they've ate their whole lives without an issue drive me up the wall. It's like claiming you're allergic to bees because one stung you and you got a welt. Not the same damned thing as being actually allergic!

As for Chrones disease etc...I have no idea how they keep going. I think type 1 beetus may be the only permanent eating related condition worse.

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Post #2   3/20/13 3:28:32PM   

infestructure

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I have ankylosing spondylitis which is closely related to rheumatoid arthritis and crones disease. I am lactose and gluten intolerant. I can eat/drink small amounts ofl lactose and gluten without it bothering me too much, and pizza is my favorite food, so thats very important to me. I know exactly how much I can eat before I feel ill effects (one slice) and never go beyond that.

I for one am happy that doctors (quacks ) are finally giving out diet advice - too many doctors try to fix everything with pills. I am a huge skeptic, but I believe diet and nutrition is one of the biggest threats to health in the world, and ten times worse in the US than here in NZ due to portion sizes and additives.

Post #3   3/20/13 3:55:32PM   

BelXavier420

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Posted by Svartorm



How this makes sense, I don't know. If you're lactose intolerant, you can't have lactose. At all. No one whose lactose intolerance says "I'm going to be naughty today and drink a quart of chocolate milk!" because you'll be laying on the floor for the next 12 hours wishing you were dead. That's not naughty, that's masocistic.




While I understand where you are coming from as I have many allergies, one thing to note is they has levels of severity. If I eat a peanut I go into anaphylactic shock and my throat swells shut and I die. However I am somewhat Lactose intolerant, as in if I eat a bowl of cereal with milk I am fine, but if I eat pizza followed by ice cream my asshole will hate me the rest of the night. For most people small amounts of what they are allergic too might not bother them but once you fill the proverbial cup that is when you have negative results. I feel for your friend though, his allergies are even worst then mine. Good luck on your restaurant, I have always had a passion for cooking.

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Post #4   3/20/13 6:38:42PM   

Svartorm

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Posted by infestructure

I have ankylosing spondylitis which is closely related to rheumatoid arthritis and crones disease. I am lactose and gluten intolerant. I can eat/drink small amounts ofl lactose and gluten without it bothering me too much, and pizza is my favorite food, so thats very important to me. I know exactly how much I can eat before I feel ill effects (one slice) and never go beyond that.

I for one am happy that doctors (quacks ) are finally giving out diet advice - too many doctors try to fix everything with pills. I am a huge skeptic, but I believe diet and nutrition is one of the biggest threats to health in the world, and ten times worse in the US than here in NZ due to portion sizes and additives.




Right, you have Crones which is actually an illness, so this has nothing to do with you bro. I'm not sure what I'm talking about has hit New Zealand yet, but it's ridiculous. People go to alternative medical professionals whom put them on diets like the gluten-free diet for depression, anxiety or body pains. They're not medical professionals and the things they're treating would have literally nothing to do with food or digestion.

I shit you not, I had a lady tell me her 3 year old kid is gluten-free because gluten makes her "sassy". It's insanity.

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Post #5   3/20/13 7:13:42PM   

Svartorm

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While I understand where you are coming from as I have many allergies, one thing to note is they has levels of severity. If I eat a peanut I go into anaphylactic shock and my throat swells shut and I die. However I am somewhat Lactose intolerant, as in if I eat a bowl of cereal with milk I am fine, but if I eat pizza followed by ice cream my asshole will hate me the rest of the night. For most people small amounts of what they are allergic too might not bother them but once you fill the proverbial cup that is when you have negative results. I feel for your friend though, his allergies are even worst then mine. Good luck on your restaurant, I have always had a passion for cooking.


I'm the same way with lactose actually. If I drink a glass of milk or eat too much cheese I'll have digestions problems. Gluten-free has nothing to do with digestion, or at least almost no one that is on the diet talks about that.

It's like you telling me if you drink a glass of milk you become more racist towards the Chinese. The diet, as prescribed by non-doctors, is to treat a random assortment or things that have nothing to do with taking a dump.

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Post #6   3/20/13 7:18:22PM   

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Posted by Svartorm



I shit you not, I had a lady tell me her 3 year old kid is gluten-free because gluten makes her "sassy". It's insanity.




That mother needs to be burned to death.

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Post #7   3/20/13 7:23:42PM   

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Posted by Pookie


Posted by Svartorm



I shit you not, I had a lady tell me her 3 year old kid is gluten-free because gluten makes her "sassy". It's insanity.




That mother needs to be burned to death.



Pookie, you know what you have to do.

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Post #8   3/20/13 7:26:51PM   

BelXavier420

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Posted by Svartorm
I'm the same way with lactose actually. If I drink a glass of milk or eat too much cheese I'll have digestions problems. Gluten-free has nothing to do with digestion, or at least almost no one that is on the diet talks about that.

It's like you telling me if you drink a glass of milk you become more racist towards the Chinese. The diet, as prescribed by non-doctors, is to treat a random assortment or things that have nothing to do with taking a dump.



I agree people get completely carried away with fake "allergies" and as a person who has real ones it pisses me off also. I am pretty sure all allergies have degrees of severity. I just wanted to make that known.

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Post #9   3/20/13 7:44:55PM   

tcunningham

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my aunt has siliac disease and every time i talk to her, she has nothing better to talk about than gluten free living. she actually has the disease and i cant stand hearing about it so i definitely see where you're coming from. im not allergic to anything but i follow the Paleo diet which is inherently gluten free. if i go and eat a bunch of pizza i'll feel sick because i'm not used to it NOT because i am intolerant. the only thing im intolerant to is stupidity

my guess is these people that are pissing you off at your restaurant are fat people that have jumped on every bandwagon diet that has come along and in all reality shouldn't even be at your restaurant. they should be packing nutritious meals in a cooler so they can eat it on the way home from the gym.

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Post #10   3/21/13 1:40:04PM   

Svartorm

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You're right, a lot of them are close to 300lbs, so obviously you don't have a terrible wasting illness like crones, caeliacs, etc.

The thing that kills me, besides everything we've mentioned, is not doing it right. You do Paleo, for whatever reason, and that's fine. But you don't do Paleo, go a restaurant, ask for the special Paleo menu and say "I'll get the spinich salad with chicken, and can you top the entire thing with bagel bites?" If you're doing a diet and bothering me with specialized instructions for a menu item, at least know what the diet actually is.

Before I figured out nearly everyone was on a sham diet, rather than having a serious illness, I had to argue with people about what is and isn't gluten-free because they hadn't a clue.

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All brave men with hearts of war, ride the path of mighty Thor.

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Post #11   3/21/13 2:17:26PM