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Universal Truths

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three_days_of_grey

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Points of observation from my years on this rock. Feel free to share other "truths" that you have discovered. No religious/political.

1) When getting nekkid in front of a chick never let the last article of clothing discarded be neither your shirt or your socks. Especially the socks.
2) The grass is never greener on the other side: It's the same damned grass and if you care for it the same way, it too shall die.
3) Chubby chicks give the best hummers.
4) The aforementioned female is also more willing to experiment with "unorthodox activities", if you will.
5) If you're serious about a woman: Threesomes rarely work out in the end. Sometimes fantasy is better off just being that.
6) Sometimes revenge is best served pipin' hot from the oven.
7) If a loved one dies, allow yourself to grieve. Don't try to be a tough-guy. Not saying to be a tearful lil b*tch for a year, just don't bottle it up.
8) Never mix darks and clears unless you like tasting your last meal in reverse.
9) Women really don't like to argue, but they sure as hell like to start arguments.
10) Don't get all butt-hurt over a relationship. There are approximately 6.8 billion people on this planet. Guaranteed there's someone else who will make you feel just as warm and fuzzy.
11) Don't wait around for people to figure out how you feel. Let that sh*t out.
12) There does come a point where a women's breasts are too big. Triple F's are great in theory, not in practice. Trust me.
13) Never lie. Just don't volunteer the whole truth.
14) No, not all tequila is the same.
15) Think a chick is too hot for you to approach? Just imagine her on the squatter straining to pinch one off. That oughta even the playing field a bit. Now go get her, Tiger.
16) Time is of the essence.

-OUT-

Post #1   11/12/09 7:08:06PM   

monk111

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#7,11,13,14 Rocks.....props to you

Post #2   11/12/09 7:21:51PM   

Jackelope

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Never tell a woman to "calm down"

Post #3   11/12/09 9:46:36PM   

DJDark41

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#15 had me crying on the floor laughing. Freakin hilarious.

Post #4   11/12/09 10:15:30PM   

jae_1833

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War sucks, but it is a neccessary evil that has been in practice since the beginning of time and will remain in practice until the end, so why not be the best at it!

Post #5   11/12/09 10:47:02PM   

Drudinh

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#5 can work out with a bi-girl... And to add to it 3 girls at once is better than 2.

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Post #6   11/13/09 1:14:40AM   

vomitshovel

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hahaha #15 pwns dude.

Post #7   11/13/09 7:29:49AM   

emfleek

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1 - When your woman/wife/girlfriend says, "That's fine." then it's really NOT fine.
2 - "Popping" your collar is downright gay.
3 - Wearing a diaper while binge drinking is perfectly acceptable.
4 - Tugging on the tapioca tube is best when in an empty house. Oh the freedom...
5 - Marry your best friend...unless it's your mom or a dude and you're not gay.
6 - Never fall victim to the most erroneous quote of all times when you're out with your friends..."Let's go to the titty bar. We'll go in and just have ONE pitcher!"
7 - Always leave an empty urinal between you and the next guy. If it's impossible to avoid, step up to the urinal, focus on the boogers that are stuck to the wall and DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT let your eyes wonder. I hate "that" guy. It is also perfectly acceptable to bypass the urinal in this situation and use one of the stalls.
8 - If you crap in the shower, clean it up. She will be mad if you don't.
9 - When at the movies with your buddy, it is NOT cool to sit in the seat directly next to your him. Leave one seat in between the two of you at all times. This applies 100% of the time.

Last edited 11/13/09 9:57AM server time by emfleek
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4 total post edits

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Post #8   11/13/09 8:29:09AM   

MiniMan

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One I live by everyday is, 'Your day is what YOU make of it', If you wake up and be misrable towards work/school or whatever, You WILL be misrable. If you wake up in a positive mood, Your day will be much more positive.

As said, Your day is what you make of it, Even your life...

Post #9   11/13/09 8:45:18AM   

SmileR

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My number 1 truth is you'll never get your clothes to smell like your mom washed them.

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"RIP Evan Tanner, a real life trail blazer."

I was born to lead, not to read!!!!

Post #10   11/13/09 8:52:01AM   

emfleek

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Posted by SmileR

My number 1 truth is you'll never get your clothes to smell like your mom washed them.



After reading this, I'd like to add #10...

10 - Your clothes will never smell any better than they do after you leave a strip joint.

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"I'm like the superhero coming in with the anti-bullsh*t." - Nick Diaz

Post #11   11/13/09 8:58:03AM   

Shawn91111

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Posted by Jackelope

Never tell a woman to "calm down"




QFT...Never realized this until I told my wife to calm down the other day. It was like WW3

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On the comeback trail

Post #12   11/13/09 9:13:01AM   

SmileR

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Posted by emfleek


Posted by SmileR

My number 1 truth is you'll never get your clothes to smell like your mom washed them.



After reading this, I'd like to add #10...

10 - Your clothes will never smell any better than they do after you leave a strip joint.




Spilt beer, sweat, maybe a little love juice and chicken wings?

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"RIP Evan Tanner, a real life trail blazer."

I was born to lead, not to read!!!!

Post #13   11/13/09 11:43:09AM   

Pookie

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1. never pick goulet to lose a figh t by decision. 2. to get what one wants, one must act as if they already possess it. 3. if the grass is too young to play on, play in the mud instead. 4. with enthusiasm , and timed aggression used correctly, any dude can pull any female. 5. strippers are a waste of money unless you know how to haggle, but then again it is our duty to put our youth through college. tip mighty.

Last edited 11/13/09 12:14PM server time by pookie
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Post #14   11/13/09 12:13:16PM   

Rush

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Farts always smell worse in the shower.

Post #15   11/22/09 12:59:02PM   
 
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