Dear patient who sh*t themselves in our lobby... |
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emfleek
Heavyweight Champ
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Career record: 127-62
Season: 53-17 (#30)
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
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Thank you. Nothing makes my day like being stuck in my office, kicked back in my chair, listening to some tunes and occasionally getting some work done. Oh, wait...I'm wrong. I just absolutely LOVE it when a patient drops a bomb in their pants in our lobby. What makes it better? Oh, I know, I know!!! When the heat kicks on and the shit fumes get sucked up into the vents and spread throughout the office...mmm...I just love it. My very own Irish Car Bomb. It reminds me of Thanksgiving.
Now, I know this is not your fault, old timer. It's the fault of the idiots that transported you from the nursing home. For some reason, it's not common knowledge to them that they may have to actually take care of the patient outside of the nursing home. Why make them wear diapers? That's right...it's too much of a hassle. Meanwhile, Mr. Jones is embarassed because he has to sit in a runny pile of his own shit for an hour in front of a dozen other patients while he waits for his appointment.
Thank God for candles and cigarettes. Count your blessings, folks. Be thankful that you're not in my situation right now. The stench in this office right now is deadly.
Last edited 10/6/08 2:25PM by emfleek
Edit note/reason: n/a
2 total post edits
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Post #1 10/6/08 2:09:46PM
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BANNED
Career record: 116-60
Season: 45-21 (#854)
Location:
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THREAD OF THE DAY!
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Post #2 10/6/08 2:18:16PM
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mkiv9secsupra
MMA Sensei
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Career record: 211-136
Season: 41-29 (#1810)
Location: ATL, GA
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i remember a long time ago i worked at dollar general and middle of the day we smell something odd........of course......SHIT on the floor......NOT in one spot. Someone was walking WHILE shitting!!!.....and of course 15 feet away from the bathroom...... and i am %110 positive it wasnt an old person because there were NONE. just middle aged women....(sigh) the reason retail is BS; you get stuck with shit like this (no pun intended)
anyone else got any public shit stories?
EDIT: Sorry Fleek gotta spread the love...
Last edited 10/6/08 2:28PM by mkiv9secsupra
Edit note/reason: n/a
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Post #3 10/6/08 2:25:36PM
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emfleek
Heavyweight Champ
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1 |
Career record: 127-62
Season: 53-17 (#30)
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
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Posted by mkiv9secsupra
i remember a long time ago i worked at dollar general and middle of the day we smell something odd........of course......SHIT on the floor......NOT in one spot. Someone was walking WHILE shitting!!!.....and of course 15 feet away from the bathroom...... and i am %110 positive it wasnt an old person because there were NONE. just middle aged women....(sigh) the reason retail is BS; you get stuck with shit like this (no pun intended)
anyone else got any public shit stories?
I was @ Wal-Mart buying beer for a party once when I felt the urge to crap. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was winter time so I had on a pair of long john's under my pants and was also wearing 2 sweatshirts. So I walk into Wal-Mart and head right for the crapper. It was so bad I had to walk with my butt cheeks clenched together just to avoid drippage. I have sweat pouring from my face by the time I make it to the bathroom and I've already begun to unbutton my pants as I kick the door of the bathroom open.
I almost started crying
2 urinals. 2 stalls. One of the stalls didn't have a toilet. There was some yellow 'police' tape like a friggin' crime had taken place but the toilet was gone. I assume they were replacing it?
So I pushed the door of the second stall open and there it was staring me right in the face. Someone had dropped ass IN FRONT of the toilet. Two (2) HUGE turds were sticking up from the floor like someone had just tried to pour soft-serve ice cream into a cone. They even had the little curly-q's at the top!!!
Thankfully, all hope was not lost. I finally made it to the restroom in the back of the store and unloaded safely and comfortably. I don't believe I've ever come that close to shitting myself without some kind of leakage.
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Post #4 10/6/08 2:31:48PM
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mkiv9secsupra
MMA Sensei
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1 |
Career record: 211-136
Season: 41-29 (#1810)
Location: ATL, GA
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i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
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Post #5 10/6/08 2:42:44PM
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mkiv9secsupra
MMA Sensei
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1 |
Career record: 211-136
Season: 41-29 (#1810)
Location: ATL, GA
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Im curious: why do people shit in toilets then dont flush?! WTF?! Just kick the handle, you dont have to put your hands all over it!
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Post #6 10/6/08 2:44:42PM
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emfleek
Heavyweight Champ
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1 |
Career record: 127-62
Season: 53-17 (#30)
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
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Posted by mkiv9secsupra
i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
I'm the same way. I'll only crap outside of home/work if it's an emergency. There was no way in hell that I was gonna be able to run home. I would've crapped myself in the car.
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Post #7 10/6/08 2:44:48PM
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Naturaldisaster
MMA Sensei
Career record: 172-121
Season: 42-28 (#1393)
Location: Louisville, Kentucky
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I worked at six flags Kentucky Kingdom last october and october 06. I worked in the haunted house. There were plenty of occasions where people came through their reeking of sh*t! it was hilarious. but sucked really badly because the haunted house was burning up and there was no way for the sh*t smelling air to get out quick enough.
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Post #8 10/6/08 2:45:26PM
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mkiv9secsupra
MMA Sensei
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1 |
Career record: 211-136
Season: 41-29 (#1810)
Location: ATL, GA
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Posted by Naturaldisaster
I worked at six flags Kentucky Kingdom last october and october 06. I worked in the haunted house. There were plenty of occasions where people came through their reeking of sh*t! it was hilarious. but sucked really badly because the haunted house was burning up and there was no way for the sh*t smelling air to get out quick enough.
Haha that must have scared the shit out of them......
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Post #9 10/6/08 2:47:00PM
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How do you like me so far?
Career record: 128-68
Season: 50-19 (#243)
Location: Land O' Lakes
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Posted by mkiv9secsupra
i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.
_______________________________________
It don't hurt 'til the bone shows!
You have your way, I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way. It does not exist.
The Few, The Proud, The MMA Army!!
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Post #10 10/6/08 2:47:13PM
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mkiv9secsupra
MMA Sensei
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1 |
Career record: 211-136
Season: 41-29 (#1810)
Location: ATL, GA
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Posted by xxMALICExx
Posted by mkiv9secsupra
i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.
I take the paper towel that i wiped my hands off with and grab the handle with that and throw it away outside the bathroom
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Post #11 10/6/08 2:49:28PM
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How do you like me so far?
Career record: 128-68
Season: 50-19 (#243)
Location: Land O' Lakes
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Posted by mkiv9secsupra
Posted by xxMALICExx
Posted by mkiv9secsupra
i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.
I take the paper towel that i wiped my hands off with and grab the handle with that and throw it away outside the bathroom
Good thinking. Just brought it up because many people tend to forget this.
_______________________________________
It don't hurt 'til the bone shows!
You have your way, I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way. It does not exist.
The Few, The Proud, The MMA Army!!
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Post #12 10/6/08 2:55:39PM
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Have it!!!
Career record: 136-71
Season: 43-27 (#735)
Location: Newcastle, UK
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Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.
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"There is not a sports drink formulated by any scientist that will hydrate you more than your own urine. When it comes to fight time, the day of my fight I don't eat a single thing — all I do is drink my own urine until I defecate pure urine. That's how I know that my digestive system is completely empty."
Myspace
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Post #13 10/6/08 2:56:14PM
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How do you like me so far?
Career record: 128-68
Season: 50-19 (#243)
Location: Land O' Lakes
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Posted by Aaronno9
Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.
Use your foot.
_______________________________________
It don't hurt 'til the bone shows!
You have your way, I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way. It does not exist.
The Few, The Proud, The MMA Army!!
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Post #14 10/6/08 2:57:30PM
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emfleek
Heavyweight Champ
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1 |
Career record: 127-62
Season: 53-17 (#30)
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
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Posted by Aaronno9
Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.
NEGATIVE PROPS!!!
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Post #15 10/6/08 2:57:46PM
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