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Steven Seagal accepts no-rules fight against Randy Couture on stipulation that no witnesses are present

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KungFuMaster

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Posted by BillsNewAccount

I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.

If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.

That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.



LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.

Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.

Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.

"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."

Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."

The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.

"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.

"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."

"You're going to regret saying that..."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."

"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."

As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.

"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."

A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."

"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."

"I agree - then why are we here?"

"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"

"I'm your man."

Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.

"Cheers!"

"Cheers!"

Last edited 12/5/12 7:54PM server time by KungFuMaster
Edit note/reason: n/a
3 total post edits

Post #31   12/5/12 7:51:33PM   

grappler0000

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Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by BillsNewAccount

I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.

If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.

That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.



LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.

Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.

Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.

"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."

Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."

The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.

"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.

"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."

"You're going to regret saying that..."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."

"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."

As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.

"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."

A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."

"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."

"I agree - then why are we here?"

"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"

"I'm your man."

Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.

"Cheers!"

"Cheers!"



And then Seagal wakes up...to the smell of his own shit.

_______________________________________

Post #32   12/5/12 10:53:47PM   

FlashyG

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Posted by KungFuMaster

Here's a thought.

Machida is not your typical mma fighter. He, for the most part, is a karate guy with great take down defense and yet he dismantled Randy with relative ease. I truly believe if Seagal had adequate time to prepare for someone like Couture, he would beat him, assuming they are both in their primes.



I can't believe you're not trolling and you actually believe the nonsense you're throwing out there.

Lyoto Machida is a professional fighter and former world champion with wins over 6 former UFC title holders. He's also 15 years younger than Couture.

Seagal is 11 years older than Randy, has never fought professionally and the last time he challenged someone to a behind closed doors fight, he was 40 and got choked unconscious in seconds by a 60 year who caused him to shit his pants.

Its as crazy as claiming Sylvester Stallone would knock out Floyd Mayweather if they were both in their prime.

Post #33   12/5/12 11:47:40PM   

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Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by BillsNewAccount

I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.

If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.

That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.



LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.

Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.

Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.

"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."

Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."

The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.

"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.

"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."

"You're going to regret saying that..."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"

"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."

"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."

As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.

"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."

A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."

"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."

"I agree - then why are we here?"

"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"

"I'm your man."

Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.

"Cheers!"

"Cheers!"



I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class, but I just don't see the humor or knowledge in it. So now I'm left wondering, what should I feel after reading this? The answer?: Shitty.and like I've wasted my time.

_______________________________________

Post #34   12/6/12 3:22:35AM   

mrsmiley

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After much inner debate I've come to one conclusion.
After getting choked out by Lebell and only breaking even against Steven Quadros Seagal goes down hard against the Natural. i'm pretty sure Randy takes this any way he wants.

Last edited 12/6/12 8:10AM server time by mrsmiley
Edit note/reason: n/a

Post #35   12/6/12 8:10:08AM   

airkerma

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Posted by grappler0000


And then Seagal wakes up...to the smell of his own shit.


Jeez this sounds like what happens to me every time I watch a Seagal movie

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Post #36   12/6/12 9:49:13AM   

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Posted by cowcatcher

I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class, but I just don't see the humor or knowledge in it. So now I'm left wondering, what should I feel after reading this? The answer?: Shitty.and like I've wasted my time.


I feel this way after reading most of his posts. Glad I'm not the only one.

at least with posters like teh kingsmasher, they're entertaining

Last edited 12/6/12 10:17AM server time by bubbles
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Post #37   12/6/12 10:16:51AM   

Shawn91111

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Wow...that's all I'm going to add after reading KFM's crap

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Post #38   12/6/12 1:18:01PM   

jjeans

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I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread


Posted by cowcatcher

I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class



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Post #39   12/6/12 1:35:04PM   

KungFuMaster

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Posted by jjeans

I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread


Posted by cowcatcher

I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class






Thanks Jjeans. I didn't like what I wrote either. I just haven't had the motivation or the time to put the kind of effort I used to when I was actively posting.

Tell these clowns they can easily avoid all their headaches by opting not to read.

Post #40   12/7/12 1:27:53AM   

Shawn91111

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Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by jjeans

I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread


Posted by cowcatcher

I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class






Thanks Jjeans. I didn't like what I wrote either. I just haven't had the motivation or the time to put the kind of effort I used to when I was actively posting.

Tell these clowns they can easily avoid all their headaches by opting not to read.




No it was pretty much on par with what you used to write. Cowcatcher has it correct.

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Post #41   12/7/12 4:49:35PM   

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I'd take Couture 11/10 times

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Post #42   12/7/12 8:22:54PM   

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Post #43   12/7/12 11:28:23PM   

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Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by BillsNewAccount


Posted by KungFuMaster

IMO, prime Seagal could take out prime Randy easily.

Put it this way - Randy's style of fighting will hardly ever end in a finish whereas Seagal's style is intended to pacify and render the opponent helpless. I would take Seagal any day over Randy if they were both in their prime.



Hahahahaha

You are totally right. IMO a good boxer like James Tony would destroy Couture.



LOL

I love Randy BTW but Seagal is no joke. Just because we have not seen him fight does not make him irrelevant. Seagal is very experienced in the art of joint manipulation and plus he has a very good front kick which I don't think Randy can defend. Furthermore, Seagal has long arms and legs and I am almost certain he has a strong understanding of BJJ.

Seagal studied the mma fight game and planted the seed which resulted in two fantastic knockouts which were carried out by his students, Silva and Machida.



You're fucking retarded.

Post #44   12/9/12 2:24:15AM   

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Posted by Aether


Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by BillsNewAccount


Posted by KungFuMaster

IMO, prime Seagal could take out prime Randy easily.

Put it this way - Randy's style of fighting will hardly ever end in a finish whereas Seagal's style is intended to pacify and render the opponent helpless. I would take Seagal any day over Randy if they were both in their prime.



Hahahahaha

You are totally right. IMO a good boxer like James Tony would destroy Couture.



LOL

I love Randy BTW but Seagal is no joke. Just because we have not seen him fight does not make him irrelevant. Seagal is very experienced in the art of joint manipulation and plus he has a very good front kick which I don't think Randy can defend. Furthermore, Seagal has long arms and legs and I am almost certain he has a strong understanding of BJJ.

Seagal studied the mma fight game and planted the seed which resulted in two fantastic knockouts which were carried out by his students, Silva and Machida.



You're fucking retarded.




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Post #45   12/10/12 4:00:38AM   
 
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