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Whos got the funniest Joke...

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Taylor8766

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Here's a couple of mine:

The "Buffolo Theory" of Beer..

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!


I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Post #1   5/13/10 8:03:48PM   

grappler0000

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The First Amendment



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Post #2   5/13/10 8:25:02PM   

BlueSkiesBurn

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Teacher: "Well class, today will be a little different. Being that it's Friday and I dont have a lesson plan for today, the students who answer my questions correctly will be able to go home and enjoy a longer weekend" "Oh man. I'm gonna get to go home. lets hope she has some easy questions" thought Billy.

The teacher asks "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Just as Billy was about to answer...ABRAHAM LINCOLN!! shouted the little girl next to Billy. The teacher says "Very good Sally. You get to go home."

She then asks "Now class, who invented the cotton gin?" and once again just as Billy was about to shout out the answer...ELI WHITNEY!!! shouted the little girl at the front of the class. The teacher says "Very good Mary you get to go home.

Billy was getting very mad at this point. The teacher turned around to face the black board and Billy says "I wish these b*tches would shut the f*ck up!"

The teacher immediately turns around and screams "WHO SAID THAT?!"
Billy: Tiger Woods! See you on Monday

Post #3   5/13/10 8:25:39PM   

zxandu

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Q: Why couldn't the blonde assassin blow up the car?
A: She kept burning her lips on the tail pipe.

Post #4   5/13/10 8:52:12PM   

Kpro

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Why isn't this in The Padded Room ?

So many come to mind that don't belong in The Locker Room




Last edited 5/13/10 9:45PM server time by kpro
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Post #5   5/13/10 9:45:20PM   

Taylor8766

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Posted by Kpro

Why isn't this in The Padded Room ?

So many come to mind that don't belong in The Locker Room







Figured it get more responses in the locker room

Post #6   5/13/10 9:47:59PM   

scoozna

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world....those that understand Binary, and those that don't.

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“I don’t know what kind of technique was used there, but there was a lot of kicking and punching.” Jim Brown

Post #7   5/13/10 10:46:50PM   

BlueSkiesBurn

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Let's move it to the padded room! Then we can really let loose. It's your thread, Taylor8766, if you agree we could have a mod move it to the padded room and really let the jokes fly.

Post #8   5/13/10 11:33:00PM   

Pookie

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If a tree falls in the forest and crushes a woman... what the hell is a forest doing in the kitchen?

How do you kille 500 flies at once?
Hit an Ethiopian child in the face with a frying pan.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, let her cook in the dark.

Last edited 5/14/10 12:06AM server time by pookie
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BJ Penn beat Frankie Edgar more times than Benson Henderson beat Frankie Edgar.

Post #9   5/14/10 12:02:31AM   

Pookie

Remember Paul Herrera

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My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I ****** her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

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BJ Penn beat Frankie Edgar more times than Benson Henderson beat Frankie Edgar.

Post #10   5/14/10 12:08:18AM   

Pookie

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What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full

What do you get when cross a girl with a gorilla?
A retarded gorilla

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.

What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit the Frog's finger

I like my women like i like my whiskey: Twelve years old and mixed up with coke.

How was copper wire invented?
2 Jews fighting over the same penny

... No offense.

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BJ Penn beat Frankie Edgar more times than Benson Henderson beat Frankie Edgar.

Post #11   5/14/10 12:11:10AM   

BlueSkiesBurn

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Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn’t you know, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge.

Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked up to the window and said, “You know how fast you were going, BOY?”

Bob thought for a second and said, “Uhh, 60?”

“67 mph, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!” said the cop.

“But if you already knew officer,” replied Bob, “Why did you ask me?”

Fuming over Bob’s answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, “That’s speeding, and you’re getting a ticket and a fine!”

The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, “You don’t even look like you have a job! Why, I’ve never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!”

Bob answered, “I’ve got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!”

The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob’s fish catch, said, “What kind of a job would a bum like you have?”

“I’m a rectum stretcher!” replied Bob.

“What you say, BOY?” asked the patrolman.

“I’m a rectum stretcher!”

The cop, scratching his head, asked, “What does a rectum stretcher do?”

Bob explained, “People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it’s a full six feet across.”

The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, “What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?”

Bob nonchalantly answered, “You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!”

Post #12   5/14/10 12:15:54AM   

JuggaloWarrior878

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the cavs are the favorite to win the championship. hahahahahahahahahaha. kill me!!!!!!!!





What a Joke!

Last edited 5/14/10 12:32AM server time by juggalowarrior878
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Post #13   5/14/10 12:31:24AM   

BlueSkiesBurn

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What's a good pick up line at a gay bar? Excuse me sir, may I push in your stool.

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a group of magicians? One has a cunning array of stunts.

What do you do when a woman comes out of the kitchen to yell at you? Shorten the chain.

How do you stop a Polish tank? Shoot the guy who's pushing it.

Post #14   5/14/10 12:32:37AM   

Rush

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Posted by scoozna

There are 10 kinds of people in the world....those that understand Binary, and those that don't.




Shouldn't it be


There are 011101000111011101101111 kinds of people in the world....those that understand Binary, and those that don't.

Post #15   5/14/10 12:47:01AM   
 
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