Steven Seagal accepts no-rules fight against Randy Couture on stipulation that no witnesses are present |
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KungFuMaster
Heavyweight Champ
Career record: 244-207
Season: 0-0 (#-)
Location: Central California
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Posted by BillsNewAccount
I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.
If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.
That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.
LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.
Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.
Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.
"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."
Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."
The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.
"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.
"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."
"You're going to regret saying that..."
"Oh really?"
"Really."
"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"
"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."
"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."
As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.
"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."
A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."
"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."
"I agree - then why are we here?"
"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"
"I'm your man."
Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers!"
Last edited 12/5/12 7:54PM by KungFuMaster
Edit note/reason: n/a
3 total post edits
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Post #31 12/5/12 7:51:33PM
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MODular Approach
Career record: 1012-567
Season: 19-5 (#178)
Location:
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Posted by KungFuMaster
Posted by BillsNewAccount
I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.
If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.
That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.
LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.
Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.
Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.
"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."
Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."
The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.
"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.
"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."
"You're going to regret saying that..."
"Oh really?"
"Really."
"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"
"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."
"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."
As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.
"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."
A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."
"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."
"I agree - then why are we here?"
"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"
"I'm your man."
Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers!"
And then Seagal wakes up...to the smell of his own shit. 
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Post #32 12/5/12 10:53:47PM
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FlashyG
MMA Sensei
Career record: 913-492
Season: 17-7 (#505)
Location: Toronto
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Posted by KungFuMaster
Here's a thought.
Machida is not your typical mma fighter. He, for the most part, is a karate guy with great take down defense and yet he dismantled Randy with relative ease. I truly believe if Seagal had adequate time to prepare for someone like Couture, he would beat him, assuming they are both in their primes.
I can't believe you're not trolling and you actually believe the nonsense you're throwing out there.
Lyoto Machida is a professional fighter and former world champion with wins over 6 former UFC title holders. He's also 15 years younger than Couture.
Seagal is 11 years older than Randy, has never fought professionally and the last time he challenged someone to a behind closed doors fight, he was 40 and got choked unconscious in seconds by a 60 year who caused him to shit his pants.
Its as crazy as claiming Sylvester Stallone would knock out Floyd Mayweather if they were both in their prime.
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Post #33 12/5/12 11:47:40PM
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Steady MODdin'
Career record: 1016-583
Season: 17-7 (#771)
Location: Milwaukee
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Posted by KungFuMaster
Posted by BillsNewAccount
I like Kung Fu master. He reminds me of a kid who refuses to believe Santa is not real.
If there was ever a place to refute facts with hair brained assumptions its a message board.
That is why I think we should all give Kung Fu master props and encourage him to enlighten us on all matters regarding mma. Starting with: how Bruce Lee would KO Overeem without landing a single strike.
LOL - I don't know whether I should be offended or proud. But since you put me on the spot, I'll go ahead and enlighten everyone as to how this epic battle of proportion will pan out.
Seagal and Couture agree to meet in a third world country - away from U.S. authorities. They finally agree the best place to do combat is to do so where it all started - The Coliseum.
Seagal arrives at the front gates of the Coliseum with his trusty body guards, Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Couture pulls up in a black SUV with his side kicks, Matt Lindland and the obnoxious Chael Sonnen. Immediately the pair of body guards exchange compliments to each other which nearly resulted in some flying kicks and punches.
"Enough! This fight is between me and Mr. Randy Couture. You ladies want to scuffle, you do it on your own time."
Randy nods his head in agreement and says, "Keep the car running. This won't take long."
The two gladiators enter the coliseum with Seagal leading the way. Randy follows and keeps a safe distance between him and Seagal.
"Where are we heading?" Couture asks.
"Why are you so eager to get your ass whooped? Be patient, young grasshopper."
"You're going to regret saying that..."
"Oh really?"
"Really."
"Ahem! Here we are. This is the place where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris fought in Return of the Dragon. This is where Bruce killed Chuck. What do you think will happen here today, Mr. Randy Couture?"
"I'm thinking I'm going to kick your ass."
"Funny - cause I was thinking we have lunch instead."
As soon as Seagal mentioned lunch, a group of waiters danced their way from the corner of another hallway and set up a table. Violins and accordions played in the background. Wine bottles popped like fireworks.
"Please sit down, Mr. Couture."
A waiter pulls a chair as Couture sits himself down while confused as to what is going on. Seagal sniffs the sweet aroma of the air, pours some fine wine into a glass, and offers it to Couture. Couture shakes his head and says, "I don't drink when fighting."
"Who says you'll be fighting? Why would I want to fight you? I don't believe in violence, Mr. Couture. A true martial artist is above fighting. You are a fighter. I'm a martial artist. These are two very different things, Mr. Couture. You use martial art to earn a paycheck. I use it as a way of life. Two different things. Two very different philosophies."
"I agree - then why are we here?"
"I want you to be in my next movie. You're going to play the bad guy and I'm going to kick your ass. What do you say?"
"I'm your man."
Seagal hands the glass of wine to Randy.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers!"
I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class, but I just don't see the humor or knowledge in it. So now I'm left wondering, what should I feel after reading this? The answer?: Shitty.and like I've wasted my time.
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Post #34 12/6/12 3:22:35AM
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mrsmiley
Heavyweight Champ
Career record: 911-532
Season: 21-3 (#55)
Location: Middletown,OH
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After much inner debate I've come to one conclusion.
After getting choked out by Lebell and only breaking even against Steven Quadros Seagal goes down hard against the Natural. i'm pretty sure Randy takes this any way he wants.
Last edited 12/6/12 8:10AM by mrsmiley
Edit note/reason: n/a
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Post #35 12/6/12 8:10:08AM
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KE Released in MAtter
Career record: 607-362
Season: 20-4 (#268)
Location:
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Posted by grappler0000
And then Seagal wakes up...to the smell of his own shit.
Jeez this sounds like what happens to me every time I watch a Seagal movie
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Post #36 12/6/12 9:49:13AM
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Bubbles > jakewalters
Career record: 578-349
Season: 21-3 (#55)
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
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Posted by cowcatcher
I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class, but I just don't see the humor or knowledge in it. So now I'm left wondering, what should I feel after reading this? The answer?: Shitty.and like I've wasted my time.
I feel this way after reading most of his posts. Glad I'm not the only one.
at least with posters like teh kingsmasher, they're entertaining 
Last edited 12/6/12 10:17AM by bubbles
Edit note/reason: n/a
_______________________________________
The best cure for insomnia is a lot of sex. Even if it doesn't end up putting you to sleep, you don't mind so much
Men be careful, female sexual predators are using a date rape drug called a Blowjob to trap men into scams called relationships.
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Post #37 12/6/12 10:16:51AM
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Former Moderator
Career record: 963-487
Season: 20-4 (#127)
Location: New York
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Wow...that's all I'm going to add after reading KFM's crap
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Post #38 12/6/12 1:18:01PM
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Emma Watson Picture Incoming
Career record: 651-410
Season: 19-5 (#490)
Location: England & Wales
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I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread
Posted by cowcatcher
I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class
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Doing my own podcast now - Check it out HERE you son bitches
Admin of MMA Memes of Facebook. A Roundtable Analyst on The MMA Podcast. Journalist for MMA Mental.
Ashleigh Lake's Nudes Here?
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Post #39 12/6/12 1:35:04PM
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KungFuMaster
Heavyweight Champ
Career record: 244-207
Season: 0-0 (#-)
Location: Central California
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Posted by jjeans
I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread
Posted by cowcatcher
I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class
Thanks Jjeans. I didn't like what I wrote either. I just haven't had the motivation or the time to put the kind of effort I used to when I was actively posting.
Tell these clowns they can easily avoid all their headaches by opting not to read. 
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Post #40 12/7/12 1:27:53AM
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Former Moderator
Career record: 963-487
Season: 20-4 (#127)
Location: New York
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Posted by KungFuMaster
Posted by jjeans
I read what KFM wrote and I was also confused but I also like to be unique so I'll leave my mark on this thread
Posted by cowcatcher
I know you like to make the PG your own version of a creative writing class
Thanks Jjeans. I didn't like what I wrote either. I just haven't had the motivation or the time to put the kind of effort I used to when I was actively posting.
Tell these clowns they can easily avoid all their headaches by opting not to read.
No it was pretty much on par with what you used to write. Cowcatcher has it correct.
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Post #41 12/7/12 4:49:35PM
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REBEL WITH A CAUSE
Career record: 820-501
Season: 20-4 (#127)
Location: Milwaukie, Oregon
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I'd take Couture 11/10 times
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Post #42 12/7/12 8:22:54PM
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Former Moderator
Career record: 963-487
Season: 20-4 (#127)
Location: New York
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Post #43 12/7/12 11:28:23PM
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Aether
Heavyweight Champ
Career record: 929-503
Season: 18-6 (#402)
Location: Edmonton
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Posted by KungFuMaster
Posted by BillsNewAccount
Posted by KungFuMaster
IMO, prime Seagal could take out prime Randy easily.
Put it this way - Randy's style of fighting will hardly ever end in a finish whereas Seagal's style is intended to pacify and render the opponent helpless. I would take Seagal any day over Randy if they were both in their prime.
Hahahahaha
You are totally right. IMO a good boxer like James Tony would destroy Couture.
LOL
I love Randy BTW but Seagal is no joke. Just because we have not seen him fight does not make him irrelevant. Seagal is very experienced in the art of joint manipulation and plus he has a very good front kick which I don't think Randy can defend. Furthermore, Seagal has long arms and legs and I am almost certain he has a strong understanding of BJJ.
Seagal studied the mma fight game and planted the seed which resulted in two fantastic knockouts which were carried out by his students, Silva and Machida.
You're fucking retarded.
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Post #44 12/9/12 2:24:15AM
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Hulk Status
Career record: 831-675
Season: 12-12 (#1536)
Location: Wisconsin
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Posted by Aether
Posted by KungFuMaster
Posted by BillsNewAccount
Posted by KungFuMaster
IMO, prime Seagal could take out prime Randy easily.
Put it this way - Randy's style of fighting will hardly ever end in a finish whereas Seagal's style is intended to pacify and render the opponent helpless. I would take Seagal any day over Randy if they were both in their prime.
Hahahahaha
You are totally right. IMO a good boxer like James Tony would destroy Couture.
LOL
I love Randy BTW but Seagal is no joke. Just because we have not seen him fight does not make him irrelevant. Seagal is very experienced in the art of joint manipulation and plus he has a very good front kick which I don't think Randy can defend. Furthermore, Seagal has long arms and legs and I am almost certain he has a strong understanding of BJJ.
Seagal studied the mma fight game and planted the seed which resulted in two fantastic knockouts which were carried out by his students, Silva and Machida.
You're fucking retarded.
_______________________________________
-Jason
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Post #45 12/10/12 4:00:38AM
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