Worst Life Ever: The Story of Kazuyuki Fujita’s Skull

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1/15/10 6:39:53PM

Kazuyuki “Iron Head” Fujita made a fighting career out of having a thick skull. This is that skull’s story.

Like many mixed martial artists, Fujita started as a wrestler. Unlike many mixed martial artists, he never learned a second skill. It would take him 60 minutes to describe to you what he thinks a kick is, and he attempts submission holds the same way he tries on hats– confusedly pulling in random directions with no results. That’s because his skull is measurably thicker than a normal skull. If you were to take an x-ray of it, you’d fire your medical equipment for coming in to work drunk. He was created by filling a cement truck with coconut sperm, and no one was more surprised than that cement truck.

Since he was diagnosed with this head, he has been searching for the man who would one day destroy it. I understand many readers don’t follow or relate to the sport of mixed martial arts, but those readers are in luck because I speak fluent Nerd. Each section will have a Nerdsplanation to help everyone enjoy this skull’s terrible and ridiculous journey.

But Japanese fight promoters still hadn’t gotten a chance to see someone just pound on it until it cracked. Will it explode when you expose its core? Is it filled with something that you can rape with an octopus? That’s when it hit them: Wanderlei Silva. That guy hates skulls.

Hilarious article!
1/15/10 11:16:33PM
loln this is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read
1/16/10 2:02:10AM
this is without a doubt the most well written article i have ever read...even while i was pissing myself i couldn't look away from the screen
1/16/10 9:59:07AM
Damn good read! lol
1/16/10 10:39:39PM
funniest mma article ive ever read im reading the rest of his articles about anything mma now.
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