I need a time machine by Friday!!!!!

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Svartorm
7/28/08 11:24:15PM
So, I work as a cook/door man at a sports bar, and three of my incredibly beautiful co-workers came in to show everyone the outfits they bought for a party this Friday. The party theme is a "Scandalous Princess" party, and all the girls have to dress like a slutty princess. The outfits are all pink and ridiculously low-cut and/or short. I was invited, but theres one major problem.

I'm 26 years old, and they're all 16-19 years old.

So, being as I don't want to end up in jail, I figured out what I'd do:

1. Build, buy or steal a time machine. (The cost isn't important because of step 3.)

2. Go back to 1998 and pick up the 16 year old Svartorm and drop him off at the party on Friday.

3. Leave him a note telling him to save all his money from then on until Pride 34, and bet everything on some weird looking dude named Soukodjou to beat Lil Nog. Lil Nog wasn't fighting yet so I won't even have to argue with myself about how he could possibly be KO'd in the first 29 seconds of the fight.

4. Drop the well-felated 1998 Svartorm back to his own year and enjoy the memories of the party.

5. Check my bank statement and see how many zeros are on it.
postman
7/28/08 11:32:45PM
You are breaking the first rule of time travel. You can never see yourself or you will F**k up the space time continum. So I think I should do the travel for you. I also will have him do a bet threw my offshore account but I'm taking the money with me. You ( that is the young you) will be so freaked out that I'm from the future that he won't dare mess with the money because I will know if Im rich when I get back so Iwill just come back and kick your (agian the 16 year old you) ass! No offense! Then we will both be rich (Me and you of now)! hows that sound?
SmileR
7/28/08 11:36:55PM
Reverse fake I.D.... You'd have to live with the fact that you're 26 and just saw a few 19 year olds boobs but on the up side, you'll be 26 an you'll have just saw a few 19 year olds boobs.
19 is legal isn't it?
postman
7/28/08 11:40:25PM
19 is legal but there will be the others and as we all know without the other girls there one lone chick is going to be much harder to strip down.
Svartorm
7/28/08 11:45:33PM
Postman, I like your idea, aside from the part where I don't get my 16 year old self to lose his virginity to scandalous princesses. Considering that was most of your idea, I hate you.

Smiler, 19 is legal, 18 is legal, 17 is jail. I get a bit of Jager in me and it'll be awfully hard to tell which scandalous princess is scandalous jailbait. Hell, it was hard enough to tell when they were standing next to me today and I was stone cold sober.

As for reverse fake id, all the girls I work with know I'm 26, so if I hand them a fake id claiming to be a full bearded and balding 17 years old with a mortgage and IRA, its not going to fly.

Trust me guys, I spent a lot of time thinking about this. Granted, 95% of that time was thinking about the scandalous princesses part, but the other 5% was solid time travel planning.
D0wnUnd6e6r
7/28/08 11:46:42PM
Dude, props for being f*cking hilarious
Ordep
7/28/08 11:52:49PM

Don't worry, there should be other legal slutty princess around for you at the party. About your co-workers, if you can't have it, share it.... invite jjfreak74 , he said he's 16 or 17, I'm sure he'll enjoy that
postman
7/28/08 11:58:11PM
Hey I was doing the travel You were never told I don't take requsets. I would have takin care of it.
jiujitsufreak74
7/29/08 12:06:07AM
i have a better solution to your problem. invite 16 year old JJfreak to this party and a good time will be had by all


Posted by Ordep


Don't worry, there should be other legal slutty princess around for you at the party. About your co-workers, if you can't have it, share it.... invite jjfreak74 , he said he's 16 or 17, I'm sure he'll enjoy that



i didn't even see this when i posted... with Ordep
Jackelope
7/29/08 12:08:19AM
Let me borrow the time machine after you're done and I'll make us all even more rich. I'll bet the farm on the Miracle on Ice USA Hockey team for the biggest sports upset in history!

Oh, and I'll also pick up my sixteen your old self and drop him off at that party you're talking about
RNC
7/29/08 12:18:55AM
Post pictures.
Kracker_Jap
7/29/08 12:24:53AM
Better idea

Go to the bar get drunk and at beerthirty find the two fattest chicks bring them home and play whip cream twister

better than jail and registering as a sex offender
Svartorm
7/29/08 12:25:35AM

Posted by Jackelope

Let me borrow the time machine after you're done and I'll make us all even more rich. I'll bet the farm on the Miracle on Ice USA Hockey team for the biggest sports upset in history!

Oh, and I'll also pick up my sixteen your old self and drop him off at that party you're talking about



I'm leery of messing up the universe, so I didn't want to go back too far. That was the biggest long-shot bet I could think of that happened in the last ten years. Otherwise we'd be dropping dollars on Buster Douglas and US vs. USSR for sure.

The only problem with 16 year old you is that he'll be rockin a mullet and an REO Speedwagon shirt and will therefore get ZERO scandalous princesses.

JJFreak, you're always invited.
Svartorm
7/29/08 12:27:04AM

Posted by Kracker_Jap

Better idea

Go to the bar get drunk and at beerthirty find the two fattest chicks bring them home and play whip cream twister

better than jail and registering as a sex offender



Theres something wrong with your post. After "Better Idea" is a worse idea.
jiujitsufreak74
7/29/08 12:27:58AM
i'm actually no that far away...send me the address and we're in business
Jackelope
7/29/08 12:28:50AM

Posted by Svartorm


Posted by Jackelope

Let me borrow the time machine after you're done and I'll make us all even more rich. I'll bet the farm on the Miracle on Ice USA Hockey team for the biggest sports upset in history!

Oh, and I'll also pick up my sixteen your old self and drop him off at that party you're talking about



I'm leery of messing up the universe, so I didn't want to go back too far. That was the biggest long-shot bet I could think of that happened in the last ten years. Otherwise we'd be dropping dollars on Buster Douglas and US vs. USSR for sure.

The only problem with 16 year old you is that he'll be rockin a mullet and an REO Speedwagon shirt and will therefore get ZERO scandalous princesses.

JJFreak, you're always invited.



HEY! Chicks dig the speedwagon!
Kracker_Jap
7/29/08 12:33:49AM

Posted by Svartorm


Posted by Kracker_Jap

Better idea

Go to the bar get drunk and at beerthirty find the two fattest chicks bring them home and play whip cream twister

better than jail and registering as a sex offender



Theres something wrong with your post. After "Better Idea" is a worse idea.



What you don't like whipped cream????

Gosh then use mustard and mayo or what ever floats your boat
holt8081
7/29/08 12:38:51AM

Posted by Svartorm

So, I work as a cook/door man at a sports bar, and three of my incredibly beautiful co-workers came in to show everyone the outfits they bought for a party this Friday. The party theme is a "Scandalous Princess" party, and all the girls have to dress like a slutty princess. The outfits are all pink and ridiculously low-cut and/or short. I was invited, but theres one major problem.

I'm 26 years old, and they're all 16-19 years old.

So, being as I don't want to end up in jail, I figured out what I'd do:

1. Build, buy or steal a time machine. (The cost isn't important because of step 3.)

2. Go back to 1998 and pick up the 16 year old Svartorm and drop him off at the party on Friday.

3. Leave him a note telling him to save all his money from then on until Pride 34, and bet everything on some weird looking dude named Soukodjou to beat Lil Nog. Lil Nog wasn't fighting yet so I won't even have to argue with myself about how he could possibly be KO'd in the first 29 seconds of the fight.

4. Drop the well-felated 1998 Svartorm back to his own year and enjoy the memories of the party.

5. Check my bank statement and see how many zeros are on it.

Dude I will make you a Flux Capacitor for 500,000 bucks and some action at the party.
StorminYourman
7/29/08 12:41:04AM
Dude it is totally not illegal if you do not get caught!

You only live once!
telnights
7/29/08 1:27:30AM
Man I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Svartorm
7/29/08 1:34:25AM

Posted by holt8081
Dude I will make you a Flux Capacitor for 500,000 bucks and some action at the party.



Deal. I've explained the situation to my credit card rep and hes seeing if he can get my limit increased to 75 million dollars. I also have to pick him up in 1984.
loller90278
7/29/08 1:55:15AM
just don't tell the girls your real name, its as simple as that.

murphy_16
7/29/08 2:58:04AM
do the 19 year old an w.e how they cops gonna find out the underage girls
Svartorm
7/29/08 3:04:31AM
You're not from the states, so you probably don't know who Chris Hansen is, but trust me, hes just waiting for me to go to this party.
jiujitsufreak74
7/29/08 3:07:36AM

Posted by Svartorm

You're not from the states, so you probably don't know who Chris Hansen is, but trust me, hes just waiting for me to go to this party.



Why don't you have a seat...







Pookie
7/29/08 3:50:04AM


Go for it man!
Picking up women is like playing chess, teenage girls is like playing checkers.
5 Points for you if you do
Manfred
7/29/08 4:40:34AM
Just looked it up for you 16 is legal for NH

http://www.coolnurse.com/consent.htm

http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm


If you get some, you owe me a shitpot full of props!

Happy Hunting
Pookie
7/29/08 4:44:10AM

Posted by Manfred

Just looked it up for you 16 is legal for NH

http://www.coolnurse.com/consent.htm

http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm


If you get some, you owe me a shitpot full of props!

Happy Hunting




grappler0000
7/29/08 6:40:53AM

Posted by Pookie


Posted by Manfred

Just looked it up for you 16 is legal for NH

http://www.coolnurse.com/consent.htm

http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm


If you get some, you owe me a shitpot full of props!

Happy Hunting







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DCRage
7/29/08 7:11:40AM
I'd try and think of something but I'm stuck doing an "art walk" before this group I'm with does their monthly happy hour Friday night. Then again, there probably will be at least one cute Asian thing there, always is...then again, there's always Hooters. Too bad there's no MMA on, they'd show it.
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