Svartorm vs. Canadian Border Patrol (long story) » Off Topic » Off Topic » Svartorm vs. Canadian Border Patrol (long story)
8/12/07 3:25:27AM
This is a story worth recounting, only because I lived through it and didn't end up in prison.

One of the dudes helping us work on our place in Montana this summer was denied entry to the US after his two week check in, as they thought he was trying to illegally immigrate to the US. Being as he figured he was coming right back to Montana, he left tons of stuff with us, so being as its cheaper to drive it over than mail it, we made a trip to Calgary before heading back to the East Coast.

I know Canada isn't cool with guns, so I stuck all our firearms in storage, along with all the ammo I had with them and we set up for the border. Along the way I remembered I had left a bowie knife behind the seat of the truck. (pictured below), but I didn't think it was a big deal, so we continued onto Canada. Unfortunetely I made the mistake of actually telling the truth at the border crossing and the lady in the booth decided they needed to search my truck.

I was sweating the knife a bit, not so much because it was illegal, but because its a hand-made knife I picked up in Finland for a mint and is basically irreplaceable. Being as there wasn't much I could do about it at that point, myself and my friend Wayland sat in the waiting area while CBP looked through the truck.

Suddenly both officers come running into the room and ask "Wheres the handgun!?!" I ask what they're talking about, and they hold up an empty holster I'd slung behind the seat at some point, and now they're convinced we're armed to the teeth. They frisk us and then start going through the truck with a fine tooth comb, even going so far as to x-ray an unopened can of oatmeal, as they don't believe I'd possibly have a holster without a gun in it.

Of course, as they're doing this, I'm taking a mental inventory of the truck and remembering all kinds of illegal stuff I have stored in it. Namely, a blackjack in my glovebox, a bag of shotgun shells under my front seat, a machette (from the Tomb Raider story) and another fixed blade knife in the back, and the big mistake, 800 rounds of 10mm ammo. I had completely forgotten about the 10mm ammo because the gun isn't mine, but being as there was nothing I could do, short of fighting the CBP and high-tailing it back to the US, I just let the officers do their job.

Luckily, they suck at their jobs. They found the blackjack and the shotgun shells, but missed the machette and two knifes. They asked me if I had anymore ammo after finding the shotgun shells and I told them I had "some 10mm ammo", and they were cool with that. So, once they're finished, we pack up and go to the immigration desk where they ask us a ton of questions and I'm told, while the shotgun shells are cool, a blackjack is a $500 fine and prison time in Canada. At this point I'd figured out honesty is not the best policy when attempting a border crossing, so I told him it was perfectly legal to carry all over the US and didn't realise it was a no-no in Canada. They're content to destroy the thing and let me go.

Now heres the REALLY lucky part. As they're checking us out to let us go to Calgary, the officer mentions in passing that if they'd found more than 10 rounds of handgun ammo in the truck, I'd be in jail on a felonly charge. As luck would have it, when I said I had "some 10mm ammo", he apparently assumed it was rifle ammo and didn't open the boxes to check, not realizing it was handgun ammo.

In closing, even though the women there are ridiculously hot, I'm never going to Canada again, as I'm clearly too well armed.

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8/12/07 4:25:33AM
Good story. Maybe you need to remember next time that Canadians are too nice to hurt anyone so you don't need so much protection.

Being from Buffalo, I've crossed the border hundreds of times and only had a problem once (coming back in the US) I accidentally used my passport instead of just my drivers' license. It was less than a year after 9/11and I've been to UAE, Bahrain, Egypt and Saudi Arabia (where I worked for a bit so I even had work and residential visas glued in there)

They took one look at my 2'' thick passport (twice I needed extra pages added) with all these Arabic stamps and visas and I was politely escorted inside where they grilled me for over an hour about my job, my personal history and everything. Luckily I had a business card and even my expired military ID still in my wallet which added credibility to my story. They even went online to my company's website to see that we had operations in many countries, including the middle east.
8/12/07 4:46:43AM
It took us all of 15 seconds to get back into the US. I just told them I owned property in the area and I was good to go.

And the blackjack was in the glovebox because I had to drive through Chicago and after seeing convenience stores with bulletproof cages, decided it wasn't a good idea to be driving around unarmed.
8/13/07 6:34:34AM
Lucky break there Svart, would have been awful to get locked up. On a side note I'm loving the knife, Finnish and Swedish work really is the best in the world.
8/13/07 10:52:16AM
Heh. Funny story. You used up some "karma points", I guess.
8/13/07 3:08:26PM

Posted by Manfred

Good story. Maybe you need to remember next time that Canadians are too nice to hurt anyone so you don't need so much protection.

Thats because Svartorm went to Calgary.
If he went to Edmonton he would have needed all his guns.
8/14/07 2:36:34AM
Dude, you lucked out. Thank god you got a couple of lazy or unintelligent patrollers.
8/14/07 8:49:15AM
screw canada, jesus christ, u are a sportsman from montana ur not a damn muslim with a bomb in your car
8/14/07 6:03:01PM
great story, I never knew the canucks were so liberal.
8/15/07 3:09:56AM

Posted by ButterBalls

great story, I never knew the canucks were so liberal.

They won't air the "O'reilly Show" , evidence enough IMO
8/15/07 5:05:41AM
I don't blame them. O'Reillys a douche.
8/15/07 11:04:53AM

Posted by Svartorm

I don't blame them. O'Reillys a douche.

michael savage>oreilly
8/15/07 11:38:36AM
As a counter story I've had many issues coming into the US.

Now, as you can see by the photo in my profile I am about as white as they come, born and raised in Canada. That alone should score points with US customs, right? Not really.

Every time I go to a conference in the US, I get into this dispute with the US customs officer about my first name. Now, I've gone by my middle name my whole life (I actually share a middle name with Randy Couture and that's about as good as it gets for my name).

Throughout high school and undergrad I had a lot of confusing issues with things being filed under my first name or my middle name and it took me many years to have my first name reduced to an initial on ALL my documents(including my passport) except for my birth certificate.

Now, every time I've gone to the US, the customs guys give me flak over my first initial being on my passport and says that I have to have my birth certificate with me. If I didn't have to catch a flight each time I would want to say "you know a passport supersedes a birth certificate genius" I need my birth certificate and several other pieces of ID to get my passport. That is the whole friggin' point of having a passport. The other thing I wanted to tell him was that I wish he spoke better English.

Well, here's the kicker. Despite the fact the US customs guys hassle me about this every time, not one of them have noticed (over a four year period) that my passport wasn't even signed. This was just an honest mistake on my part, but it was actually a Canadian customs officer that noticed the mistake.

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