Pearls of wisdom » Off Topic » Off Topic » Pearls of wisdom
12/3/08 9:42:41AM
It's time to start a list.

1. Don't pay more than $1 for a bookmark. (Because you could just use the dollar bill as a bookmark.)

2. Toilet paper should always be made from recycled material. (You're just gonna to wipe your *** with it anyway.)

3. You can't steal first base, but you can walk there. (Some things just take work, but don't turn down a gift, either.)

4. Don't fight a land war in Asia. (Only applies to Westerners, I guess.)

5. (For the girls...) Don't take your boyfriend to a Salma Hayek movie if you're not planning to get busy later. (No, not even "Frida." Don't let the unibrow fool you.)

6. (For the guys...) When a woman says someone is "big", they mean fat, not tall.

12/3/08 10:04:33AM
7) People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

8) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

9) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person

12/3/08 10:32:55AM
10) when a woman tries to set you up with her friend and doesnt mention how she looks, only that she has a great personality, is funny, etc., the friend is a fatty.

11) if you send food back at a restaurant the food you get back will be screwed with.
12/3/08 12:36:01PM
12) Don't eat lemons at a restaraunt.
12/3/08 5:21:16PM
13) He who hesitates is last.
12/3/08 5:32:13PM
14.) dont chug an entire bottle of Evan Williams at one time...
12/3/08 5:59:13PM

Posted by Sledge23

12) Don't eat lemons at a restaraunt.

can you explain that one?
12/3/08 9:40:21PM
1) There is little traffic on the road to success. It's the rest stops that always get busy.
2) Guys that brag about their sexual achievements most often have none.
3) Having a big penis is only about 10% of being a good lover
4) Do not measure your success by your monetary gain the two are not necessarily related.
5) It's ok to admit you are wrong, even if it is only to yourself.
6) Take everything you read with a grain of salt. Most of the time it is not 100% true.
7) Do not fear death. It is something that is inevitable. Once you stop worrying about dying, life is that much more enjoyable.
8) Threesomes will always ruin a relationship. Only have threesomes when neither of the two women are in a relationship with you
9) Dating a friend's ex girlfriend is not cool.
10) Never go against the Sicilian when death is on the line.

12/4/08 5:30:33PM
19. Don't eat yellow snow.
12/4/08 6:24:18PM
20) no matter win or lose, always cheat

-bobby "the brain" heenan
12/5/08 2:06:23PM

Posted by jiujitsufreak74

Posted by Sledge23

12) Don't eat lemons at a restaraunt.

can you explain that one?

Lemon's have been known to be carriers of bacteria, as it is common for servers to not use gloves when they put a lemon wedge on the rim of your glass, thus leaving bacteria from their hands on the rind.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.

12/5/08 2:09:43PM
21) Never trust a man with two first names.
12/5/08 2:21:13PM
- When women say, "No, I don't mind," they REALLY do mind.
- Put the toilet seat down after you're done pissing. Otherwise, if you get up in the middle of the night to take a crap, you may find a plunger handle up your ass when you sit down.
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