An Open Letter To Kellogs Re: Michael Phelps

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evan9eleven
2/16/09 3:24:48PM
Dear, Kellogg’s. I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana. I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest. First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most ****** up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies. That’s it. Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children - it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda. The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society. I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial. This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing. It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no ******* way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves. THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely ******* un-American. I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol. Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit. I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted. I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful. Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?” And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your ****, ************. Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your ****. I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell? Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their ******* minds. Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched **** that’s horrible for your body - in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot - and you market this **** specifically to children. You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it. Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products. There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around. All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb **** like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it. I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms - including by the way, the form of the greatest ******* swimmer who ever lived, EVER. Think about THAT **** for a second.. So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the **** up. I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and ******* 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts. It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles. I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving **** out of them. Good day, sirs. Yours truly, Joe Rogan.
evan9eleven
2/16/09 3:26:14PM
Thousand props to Rogan!!!
RampageOwnedYou
2/16/09 3:52:31PM
Good for him, I like to give him props also.

But I find it funny how he can do all this ranting, through a keyboard, but will never speak his mind during an UFC event. How about the b.s where fighters get suspended for smoking a joint the day before a fight? Not even that but some back medication or tylenol. Guess UFC pays him too much to shut up about that stuff, but will allow him to show favorites when calling a fight......hmmm....weird.
emfleek
2/16/09 4:00:14PM

Posted by RampageOwnedYou

Good for him, I like to give him props also.

But I find it funny how he can do all this ranting, through a keyboard, but will never speak his mind during an UFC event. How about the b.s where fighters get suspended for smoking a joint the day before a fight? Not even that but some back medication or tylenol. Guess UFC pays him too much to shut up about that stuff, but will allow him to show favorites when calling a fight......hmmm....weird.



It's simple...he's on the clock. He's paid to commentate, not give his opinions on drugs.
Aaronno9
2/16/09 4:04:56PM
CwB
2/16/09 5:18:14PM
I love Joe for having this opinion but this letter isnt going to accomplish anything
jiujitsufreak74
2/16/09 5:27:39PM
"There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops"

"It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles. I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving **** out of them. Good day, sirs."



i have never smoked in my entire life but i wholeheartedly agree with Joe here. not that this rant, as funny as it was, will accomplish anything but at least he has the balls to say something (although he did so in a manner that probably won't get any results). good for you Joe Rogan, may you continue to "burn the sacred plant to the fire gods"
evan9eleven
2/16/09 5:46:11PM
LINK

sorry, I didn't think anyone would want the link.
RampageOwnedYou
2/16/09 6:17:44PM
Fruit Loops is the best cereal to eat after doing that sort of thing.

My guess........... 15% of Kellogs buyers, all smoke.
I think its a bad decision on their part to look down on smokers, when a good chunk of the ppl that buy eggos. cereal and treats all eat that crap when they are all high.
Pookie
2/16/09 8:50:54PM
Wasnt the picture taken in Amsterdam, where its legal?
emfleek
2/16/09 9:25:21PM

Posted by Pookie

Wasnt the picture taken in Amsterdam, where its legal?



Someone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it was taken in South Carolina.
Boo_Radley21
2/17/09 12:28:10AM
Joe Rogan is my hero. That was one of the best things I have read in a long time.
Rollins
2/17/09 1:21:58AM
Joe was friggin fried, he didn't space a thing and he of all people should know how hard something in a "stream of consciousness" wrote piece is hard enough to read and see EVEN with perfect vision.

I'm going to burn a bowl and then read this...I'll be right back.

Seriously...it's 12:21am, it's time for a bowl.
evan9eleven
2/17/09 2:09:01AM

Posted by Rollins

Joe was friggin fried, he didn't space a thing and he of all people should know how hard something in a "stream of consciousness" wrote piece is hard enough to read and see EVEN with perfect vision.

I'm going to burn a bowl and then read this...I'll be right back.

Seriously...it's 12:21am, it's time for a bowl.





i usually reserve the bananas
Jackelope
2/17/09 11:58:42AM
I don't care if people smoke or don't smoke pot. However, I will say that in my mind Rogan could have taken a step down with this letter.

If his intention for writing this was to have any effect at all on Kellog's then he failed miserably. For being such a smart guy I can't imagine that he actually figured this would have an impact. At least I hope not.

The letter comes off as one filled with the thoughts of an immature 16 year old. Not the thoughts of a worldly guy with plenty of valid points to make. I normally find Joe's stuff to be very thought provoking and humorous. In general, this is the problem that I have with the "pot community". A lot of them are very smart people who have a legitimate gripe on their hands- but they just can't seem to reel in their immaturity long enough to express their thoughts clearly.

That being said- if his sole intention in writing this was to amuse his fans, then by all means, it's a great piece of work.
king_katool
2/17/09 1:16:44PM

Posted by Jackelope

I don't care if people smoke or don't smoke pot. However, I will say that in my mind Rogan could have taken a step down with this letter.

If his intention for writing this was to have any effect at all on Kellog's then he failed miserably. For being such a smart guy I can't imagine that he actually figured this would have an impact. At least I hope not.

The letter comes off as one filled with the thoughts of an immature 16 year old. Not the thoughts of a worldly guy with plenty of valid points to make. I normally find Joe's stuff to be very thought provoking and humorous. In general, this is the problem that I have with the "pot community". A lot of them are very smart people who have a legitimate gripe on their hands- but they just can't seem to reel in their immaturity long enough to express their thoughts clearly.

That being said- if his sole intention in writing this was to amuse his fans, then by all means, it's a great piece of work.



i agree with jackelope, if it werent for the joe rogan name at the end i wouldve thought it was just some stoned pot head ranting and raving, and just for the record i smoke allllll day evvvverryday, while you could probly pick me out of a crowd of ten and say YUP hes a pothead, i bet my house that no1 would be able to pick my GF and say yup shes a pothead, and id like to just say that the typical sterotype stoner is probly only about 20% of us, like i said all day everyday both me and my GF and we both work full time and she attends college full time, im soo thankful i live in Canada where the laws are VERY light, i mean ive had cops give me my weed back and say smoke it dont sell it!!!!!
FlashyG
2/17/09 1:45:23PM

Posted by Rollins

Joe was friggin fried, he didn't space a thing and he of all people should know how hard something in a "stream of consciousness" wrote piece is hard enough to read and see EVEN with perfect vision.



In Fairness to Joe, that isn't how the original blog looked.

If you go to joes website the blog is up on his page in its original form, unedited, with paragraphs and all that fun grammar stuff. (I dont want to link it because of the swearing)

I don't disagree with Joe at all on the subject but he probably could have used better language when writing it.
evan9eleven
2/17/09 2:15:14PM

Posted by Jackelope

I don't care if people smoke or don't smoke pot. However, I will say that in my mind Rogan could have taken a step down with this letter.

If his intention for writing this was to have any effect at all on Kellog's then he failed miserably. For being such a smart guy I can't imagine that he actually figured this would have an impact. At least I hope not.

The letter comes off as one filled with the thoughts of an immature 16 year old. Not the thoughts of a worldly guy with plenty of valid points to make. I normally find Joe's stuff to be very thought provoking and humorous. In general, this is the problem that I have with the "pot community". A lot of them are very smart people who have a legitimate gripe on their hands- but they just can't seem to reel in their immaturity long enough to express their thoughts clearly.

That being said- if his sole intention in writing this was to amuse his fans, then by all means, it's a great piece of work.



I don't think he intended to actually get this to Kellogs, he's smarter than that. This was for us.

but they just can't seem to reel in their immaturity long enough to express their thoughts clearly. guilty as charged
Rollins
2/17/09 9:24:58PM
Joe's no fool, he knew what he was doing when he wrote it. I think most of us know if Joe wanted to write something a bit more serious he would have done it high or not. I'm also sure he knew nothing would be gained no matter how he wrote his piece. Kellogs did what they had to do to say "we can't endorse people breaking the law, using "drugs" etc.

In the end it will be their loss and not his and I'm sure they know that as well, when this blows over and Phelps makes an apology and all that other PR bullsh*t another company will pick him up in a heartbeat. This is just a speed bump for the kid and will effect him very little in the end.

On another note, many of the best Dr.s, Lawyers, Scientists, some of the worlds most important critical thinkers and Athletes use marijuana in reasonable moderation. Most people only see the retarded stoner losers as marijuana users because they are stupid to begin with (or young and careless with keeping it hidden) Trust me, many of the people you would never think smoke actually do, they just keep it on the D.L. better since a lot of the world still has at least a chubby on for casual partakers herb.
Jackelope
2/17/09 9:27:14PM

Posted by Rollins

Joe's no fool, he knew what he was doing when he wrote it. I think most of us know if Joe wanted to write something a bit more serious he would have done it high or not. I'm also sure he knew nothing would be gained no matter how he wrote his piece. Kellogs did what they had to do to say "we can't endorse people breaking the law, using "drugs" etc.

In the end it will be their loss and not his and I'm sure they know that as well, when this blows over and Phelps makes an apology and all that other PR bullsh*t another company will pick him up in a heartbeat. This is just a speed bump for the kid and will effect him very little in the end.

On another note, many of the best Dr.s, Lawyers, Scientists, some of the worlds most important critical thinkers and Athletes use marijuana in reasonable moderation. Most people only see the retarded stoner losers as marijuana users because they are stupid to begin with (or young and careless with keeping it hidden) Trust me, many of the people you would never think smoke actually do, they just keep it on the D.L. better since a lot of the world still has at least a chubby on for casual partakers herb.



And see- here is an advocate presenting a logical argument. I just don't understand why the community as a whole cannot take this stance. It's one of those "silent majority" things I'd imagine. The loud, obnoxious, and immature pot smoker is the minority making all of the noise.
bigbubbano23
2/18/09 12:08:55AM
did you know henry fords first car had alittle something to do with mary jane? google it.
Playground_Samurai
2/28/09 6:18:04AM
Well someone got the message.....and they didn't like it. Now they are challenging Joe to a fight!

Link
EvenFlow
2/28/09 6:41:00AM

Posted by gspfan

Well someone got the message.....and they didn't like it. Now they are challenging Joe to a fight!

Link



Good find, whoever wrote that is an idiot though
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