to get a check up.
The doctor is amazed to find the man has five penises.
He says "this is incredible! how do your pants fit?"
And the man replies, "Like a glove"
"Doctor, doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
A man goes to the doctor and tells the doc he has a bad pain in his wrist that wont go away. The doc hands him a cup, tells him to take it home and collect his urine for the next 24 hours. The man goes home frustrated, and thinks how the hell is this gonna fix my pain. Just to be a smartass, he pees in it, his wife pees in it, his daughter pees in it, his dog pees in it, and he takes some oil from his truck and adds it for good measure. He then takes the cup back to the lab at the dr. office. Four days later, his doctor calls and says, boy do I have some bad news for you. Your daughter is pregnat, your wife has herpes, your dog is pregnat, the oil in your truck needs changing, and if you dont stop wacking off you will never get rid of the pain in your wrist.
An old couple in their 80's goes to the doctor, they want something to help the husband get an erection. The doctor gives the man a bottle of viagra and tells them to report back in two weeks. When they do, the doctor asked them how it worked. The wife replies, " I twisted it, yanked on it, lubricated it, sat on it, tried to use my mouth, he yanked on it, twisted it, tried using a pair of pliers, but no matter how hard we tried we just couldnt get the damn bottle open."
Hank Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."
"WHAT?" he shouts. With that he grabs a baseball bat from the cupboard and storms down to the doctor's office and through the reception area.
Without knocking he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of giving an old lady a breast examination. She screams and tries to cover herself. Without waiting, Mr. Smith charges up to the doctor, smashes the baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert how dare you say my wife has a pretty pussy!"
The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but there has been a misunderstanding. I only told your wife that she has Acute Angina."
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor.
"Doctor I think I have the crabs."
"When was the last time you had sex?" The doctor asks.
"I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin." she replied.
The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to get on the table and he would examine her.
After the examination he said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs. The bad news is you've got fruit flies."
"Fruit flies?" asks granny.
"Yeah," says the doctor. "Your cherry rotted."