The Penn wasn't your standard ship, it was a racing boat. Years back there was talk of the Penn being the most talented of its kind. It had a good run through the dreary sea skies sometimes going head to head with boats with much much bigger engines. If it were a human instead of a boat, some may have even called it a prodigy. As the years progressed the Penn began to wear down and not race at it's peak level. In it's loss to the St. Pierre Express, there were accusations the St. Pierre engine crew had used an illegal horsepower boosting trick where they spread vaseline all over the engine. Nothing showed up upon inspection.
The Penn decided to race boats its size again and won some high profile races against the Kenfloation Device and the Dirty Sanchez speedboat which is powered by two 3,000 horsepower engines and 8,000 yes's. After he tore through them, he went on to challenge for the right to be the best boat in it's class size per the US Speedboat Racing Association limits.
He raced against The Answer for the title of best boat in it's size category and in an evenly paced race to the finish The Answer won by inches! Many fans questioned the angle of the photo finish as it wasn't dead on the finish line as most horse racing cameras are placed. Because of this he faced The Answer again, determined to show he could outrace anyone. But the Penn was outclassed in every way and dominated en route to a loss where he never stood a chance. The Answer had arrived and didn't look like it was going to relinquish it's title of fastest speedboat of it's size anytime soon.
The Penn took a deep look inside itself, into the engine, the interior, and the exterior to make sure it was ready for another run. The competitive spirit led him to take on the larger boat called the Country Breakfast. in the race the Country Breakfast's engine blew 21 seconds into the race giving the Penn the much needed win to get back on the right track. He agreed next to take on the Fitchfinder who was the #2 speedboat in this larger class of speedboats. The Penn got an early lead and was ahead by a quarter mile heading towards the home stretch but it's engine faltered and the Fitchfinder sped all the way up to another photo finish but this time they crossed the line at the exact same time! Some disagree, and the camera placement for the photo finishes still needs a lot of work, but it was ruled a draw.
Nevertheless, because the head of the US Speedboat Racing Association hated the Fitchfinder, he placed the Penn into a #1 contender race against the The Spirit of Stockton, commonly referred to as the SOS. Though they had been allies before, this was for a shot at being the best boat in the world so they drifted to the starting line and the race began! There was a huge turnout for this race but the SOS demolished the Penn, constantly bumping into him around corners, and showing it's all-around better racing technique and prowess. The SOS finished many minutes before the Penn and the Penn couldn't have looked worse. At that time the Penn announced it's retirement from professional speedboat racing. After the race the Penn and SOS moored near each other and made amends. The SOS's next step, to move on to race for the title!
Many months passed and the Penn still had that burning desire to race even though he hadn't had success in years in a lower boat weight division. Regardless of this very pertinent information, the Penn decided to say that the bow of the ship on the Fitchfinder was made of glass and that the SOS didn't scrap from the beginning even though the SOS clearly made the Penn look like a pedal-boat with broken pedals. Not the smartest strategy if the Penn is looking to get back into racing again, as the Penn excuses for losing races sail in like the wind these days.
Whether the Penn is delusional or just too broken to remember it's last few races, one can only hope it has been fully refurbished with a new engine put in without what are commonly referred to as Excusepistons, a common imported engine part from Brazil. Better technology is available to make the Penn not look as bad but fighting against the Floatation Devices and Dirty Sanchez's give him a future while the St. Pierre Express, SOS, and many others will leave him in their dust trail next to where his desire has been for years.
No one knows what the future holds for the Penn:
If the Penn does face the Fitchfinder, SOS, or St. Pierre Express again, expect the Penn to be in this shape going in..... and his opponents will race him as if it was another night out with (or at) the club.