Zorastor would pwn them all if he could just get a new contract. I hear his management is pretty difficult to work with.
As far as Confucius and Buddha... neither would have a shot against the top in the division. Just watch the youtube of the chinese cultural revolution and you can see that neither one has any takedown defense.
As far as the Jesus vs. Satan fight... Jesus by sub in the final round.
Well, It'd be a close fight, I hear Jesus has a solid armbar, and it's his go-to move, but Satan has great G'N'P and a masssive upper body.
In the end, Satan would be able to control Jesus, because neither of them have good standup, and when it goes to the ground, Satan will be able to avoid the armbar everytime, en route to winning a UD.
Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that I gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.
1 Chronicles 22:13
I'm pretty confident Satan will have Jesus eating his Fathers words.