Dear patient who sh*t themselves in our lobby...

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emfleek
10/6/08 2:09:46PM
Thank you. Nothing makes my day like being stuck in my office, kicked back in my chair, listening to some tunes and occasionally getting some work done. Oh, wait...I'm wrong. I just absolutely LOVE it when a patient drops a bomb in their pants in our lobby. What makes it better? Oh, I know, I know!!! When the heat kicks on and the shit fumes get sucked up into the vents and spread throughout the office...mmm...I just love it. My very own Irish Car Bomb. It reminds me of Thanksgiving.

Now, I know this is not your fault, old timer. It's the fault of the idiots that transported you from the nursing home. For some reason, it's not common knowledge to them that they may have to actually take care of the patient outside of the nursing home. Why make them wear diapers? That's right...it's too much of a hassle. Meanwhile, Mr. Jones is embarassed because he has to sit in a runny pile of his own shit for an hour in front of a dozen other patients while he waits for his appointment.

Thank God for candles and cigarettes. Count your blessings, folks. Be thankful that you're not in my situation right now. The stench in this office right now is deadly.

CantAndleDaRiddum
10/6/08 2:18:16PM
THREAD OF THE DAY!
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 2:25:36PM
i remember a long time ago i worked at dollar general and middle of the day we smell something odd........of course......SHIT on the floor......NOT in one spot. Someone was walking WHILE shitting!!!.....and of course 15 feet away from the bathroom...... and i am %110 positive it wasnt an old person because there were NONE. just middle aged women....(sigh) the reason retail is BS; you get stuck with shit like this (no pun intended)

anyone else got any public shit stories?


EDIT: Sorry Fleek gotta spread the love...
emfleek
10/6/08 2:31:48PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i remember a long time ago i worked at dollar general and middle of the day we smell something odd........of course......SHIT on the floor......NOT in one spot. Someone was walking WHILE shitting!!!.....and of course 15 feet away from the bathroom...... and i am %110 positive it wasnt an old person because there were NONE. just middle aged women....(sigh) the reason retail is BS; you get stuck with shit like this (no pun intended)

anyone else got any public shit stories?



I was @ Wal-Mart buying beer for a party once when I felt the urge to crap. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was winter time so I had on a pair of long john's under my pants and was also wearing 2 sweatshirts. So I walk into Wal-Mart and head right for the crapper. It was so bad I had to walk with my butt cheeks clenched together just to avoid drippage. I have sweat pouring from my face by the time I make it to the bathroom and I've already begun to unbutton my pants as I kick the door of the bathroom open.

I almost started crying

2 urinals. 2 stalls. One of the stalls didn't have a toilet. There was some yellow 'police' tape like a friggin' crime had taken place but the toilet was gone. I assume they were replacing it?

So I pushed the door of the second stall open and there it was staring me right in the face. Someone had dropped ass IN FRONT of the toilet. Two (2) HUGE turds were sticking up from the floor like someone had just tried to pour soft-serve ice cream into a cone. They even had the little curly-q's at the top!!!

Thankfully, all hope was not lost. I finally made it to the restroom in the back of the store and unloaded safely and comfortably. I don't believe I've ever come that close to shitting myself without some kind of leakage.
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 2:42:44PM
i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 2:44:42PM
Im curious: why do people shit in toilets then dont flush?! WTF?! Just kick the handle, you dont have to put your hands all over it!
emfleek
10/6/08 2:44:48PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.



I'm the same way. I'll only crap outside of home/work if it's an emergency. There was no way in hell that I was gonna be able to run home. I would've crapped myself in the car.
Naturaldisaster
10/6/08 2:45:26PM
I worked at six flags Kentucky Kingdom last october and october 06. I worked in the haunted house. There were plenty of occasions where people came through their reeking of sh*t! it was hilarious. but sucked really badly because the haunted house was burning up and there was no way for the sh*t smelling air to get out quick enough.
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 2:47:00PM

Posted by Naturaldisaster

I worked at six flags Kentucky Kingdom last october and october 06. I worked in the haunted house. There were plenty of occasions where people came through their reeking of sh*t! it was hilarious. but sucked really badly because the haunted house was burning up and there was no way for the sh*t smelling air to get out quick enough.



Haha that must have scared the shit out of them......
MALICE
10/6/08 2:47:13PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.



You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 2:49:28PM

Posted by xxMALICExx


Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.



You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.



I take the paper towel that i wiped my hands off with and grab the handle with that and throw it away outside the bathroom
MALICE
10/6/08 2:55:39PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra


Posted by xxMALICExx


Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.



You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.



I take the paper towel that i wiped my hands off with and grab the handle with that and throw it away outside the bathroom



Good thinking. Just brought it up because many people tend to forget this.
Aaronno9
10/6/08 2:56:14PM
Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.
MALICE
10/6/08 2:57:30PM

Posted by Aaronno9

Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.



Use your foot.
emfleek
10/6/08 2:57:46PM

Posted by Aaronno9

Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.





NEGATIVE PROPS!!!

Aaronno9
10/6/08 3:01:22PM

Posted by emfleek


Posted by Aaronno9

Ive got to be honest, im one of those guys who ***** and doesnt flush.... i think its just i want other people to admire my handywork... maybe subconsciously im just not wanting to touch that dirty flusher.





NEGATIVE PROPS!!!




emfleek
10/6/08 3:04:21PM
If you want others to admire your work, post a picture of it on ratemypoo.com! There's no need to leave it for others!!!

JohnnyNapalm
10/6/08 3:06:12PM
Awesome thread. Shit happens.

Once I was running down by the river bank on an asphalt trail. I got about 2 miles into the run and suddenly my stomach started cramping up. I had eaten supper 2 hours previously and knew then I'd be pushing my luck if I wasn't pushing my stool back in during my run. Shouldn't have done it - too late now.

Without a washroom anywhere in site it was time for a trip into the woods. Took a side trail into the trees and dropped a steamy one. The importance thing here was not to get it my shoes and socks. Then came the real challenge - wiping my now greasy arse hole. I grabbed the biggest leaves i could find and went to work - not a bad job. The rest of the run was decent but with the heat of the day + plus the sweat + an arse wiped with leaves = a rather uncomfortable feeling, like I wasn't zest fully clean.

Never happened again since and God help me, I hope it never does.
Aaronno9
10/6/08 3:06:32PM
Haha, i cant believe that site is actually real! My poos dont even compare to the submarine curved around the bowl i was greeted with when pasted the link!!
mkiv9secsupra
10/6/08 3:09:36PM

Posted by emfleek

If you want others to admire your work, post a picture of it on ratemypoo.com! There's no need to leave it for others!!!




haha ive got friends who will take ***** with the sole intention of taking pictures of it and sending them to me at random times of day......sometimes with a sound file attached of them having explosive dhiarrea...

iwannabesedated
10/6/08 3:18:29PM
A few months ago me and my buddy were walking thru the parking lot of this bar in town and i let this massive fart rip and next thing i know i got the looked and im like dude i think i just sharted..And hes like starts texting all my friends telling them of my misfortune..So meanwhile i go in the bathroom and here i am with my pants pulled down examining the damage and it was a just alittle shart action..So i wiped my ass real quick and realized that wasnt good enough..So i dart thru the bar and tell my buddy i need his car keys..so i go out to his car and took my underwear off and thru them in the dumpster...Next day my other buddy starts texting me..im like dude shit happens..just dont tell any chicks and sure enough his girlfriend was reading him the text..so everyone knew me as shitty for a few days.
Rush
10/6/08 3:43:17PM

Posted by xxMALICExx

You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.




Or the floor around the toilet, yet I see parents letting their kids crawl under the door of the stall.



As for nasty poops, I saw one right before I ran a race. I went to take a piss before the race started and in the stall, I kid you not, there was a pile of shit the size of a cow patty. All soft and piled high in a nice cone shaped. I almost lost my breakfast too.

Man, I actually felt sorry for the person that left that crap. Their insides must be all messed up.
MALICE
10/6/08 3:45:04PM

Posted by Rush


Posted by xxMALICExx

You know, it is a proven fact that there are very few germs on a toilet seat. The majority of germs are on the door handles. So when you are done, you go wash your hands, grab the handle, and load your hand up with just as many germs if not more.




Or the floor around the toilet, yet I see parents letting their kids crawl under the door of the stall.



Ahh. That made me cringe a little bit. That's just not right.
Naturaldisaster
10/6/08 4:05:17PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra


Posted by Naturaldisaster

I worked at six flags Kentucky Kingdom last october and october 06. I worked in the haunted house. There were plenty of occasions where people came through their reeking of sh*t! it was hilarious. but sucked really badly because the haunted house was burning up and there was no way for the sh*t smelling air to get out quick enough.



Haha that must have scared the shit out of them......



lol the bad thing about it was that they usually shit in the room i was in. It was supposed to be a baby room. and in one corner was a friend of mine dressed in a costume that had stuffed animals glued all over it. You couldnt see him at all, just a huge pile of stuffed animals. and he sat against the wall (people had no clue there was a person underneath them. and when they got close (tryin to touch a bloody mickey mouse stuffed animal or soemthin) he would jump out at them. they usually sh&t right then. and to make matters worse, there was a baby crib right around the corner from him (which I was hiding under) and as they were running from him i would jump out from under it! it was fun. Leave it to six flags to be me under a baby crib (my character was supposed to be a child molester! AT SIX FLAGS! SERIOUSLY!!). but they wouldnt let me use te costume i wanted, I tried to get them to let me dress like michael Jackson. That would have really made them Sh*t themselves
scoozna
10/6/08 4:06:39PM

Posted by mkiv9secsupra

i dont think i have ever shat in public unless it was a place i worked, and even then it was in the morning immediately after the janitors had cleaned the bathroom. And late in the day when it is a dire situation and i need to crap i cover the toilet seat with about 8000 sheets of TP haha.....i guess its just a phobia.



...lol...I do the same thing...I thought I was the only one.

There's something wrong with my stomach. If my pants are just a little too tight, or if something heavy is resting on my stomach, all this gas starts forming in my gut, It feels like a mega-cramp, I start having to fart...and within 10 minutes I've got full-on diarrhea. It's happened after I eat too much at dinner, it's happened after drinking too much...it's always on the way home from somewhere - I have to run into a Wawa or Denny's anything that's open and explode all over the toilet as fast as I can get my pants down.

4u2nv
10/6/08 4:14:23PM
i remember once i had to crap so bad, and i wasn't about to go at a CVS.... so i held it to later find out afterwards we're going to a walmart. Now this isn't ur normal walmart. This is the gangsta, poor dreirived walmart next to Camdan NJ and its foul. So when i sprint in with little steps to avoid any large movements afraid of leakage. I walked into a line of dudes, and it smelled like someone already let out a sh!t from hell. (calli greens, fried chicken and cornbread) nasty craps. So i see there r 4 stall and 4 urinals and about 3 dudes waiting for the urinals so i quickly run over to the stalls seeing only feet under the first 2 so i walk to the 4th stall to notice someone was infact in there. So out of desperation i turn to the 3rd stall, glance that no one is in there so i bust open the door to see a elderly man dropping a load, and having a heart attack. I back away he then slams the door with his foot and hand. And i hear some snickering and giggling. and then leave that bathroom suddenly... not having to go anymore. Weirdest thing!
BIGKAT
10/6/08 5:45:46PM

Posted by emfleek

Thank you. Nothing makes my day like being stuck in my office, kicked back in my chair, listening to some tunes and occasionally getting some work done. Oh, wait...I'm wrong. I just absolutely LOVE it when a patient drops a bomb in their pants in our lobby. What makes it better? Oh, I know, I know!!! When the heat kicks on and the shit fumes get sucked up into the vents and spread throughout the office...mmm...I just love it. My very own Irish Car Bomb. It reminds me of Thanksgiving.

Now, I know this is not your fault, old timer. It's the fault of the idiots that transported you from the nursing home. For some reason, it's not common knowledge to them that they may have to actually take care of the patient outside of the nursing home. Why make them wear diapers? That's right...it's too much of a hassle. Meanwhile, Mr. Jones is embarassed because he has to sit in a runny pile of his own shit for an hour in front of a dozen other patients while he waits for his appointment.

Thank God for candles and cigarettes. Count your blessings, folks. Be thankful that you're not in my situation right now. The stench in this office right now is deadly.




The stench is deadly.. Yet you say Thank God for ...cigarettes

Makes perfect sense
dannyfrank
10/6/08 6:29:25PM
i have two stories: the first was told to me by my english teacher and the second one happened to me

so, my teacher was administering the SAT at our school. there was a kid in there that was so nervous that he not puked, but crapped himself in the middle of the test!

once when i was on a car trip with the family, we stopped at IHOP for some pancakes. i wasn't hungry so i drank about 6 huge glasses of apple juice, which i didn't know was a natural laxative. an hour down the road and i feel like i'm about to die. we pull over so i can go shit in the woods. after i'm done takin' care of business, i wipe my ass with the nearest leaf. unfortunately, that leaf i used to wipe was, you guessed it kids, poison ivy so not cool
emfleek
10/6/08 6:30:47PM

Posted by BIGKAT

The stench is deadly.. Yet you say Thank God for ...cigarettes

Makes perfect sense


Cigarettes > Feces

I'm sorry, but if you disagree, you have problems.
cowcatcher
10/6/08 7:00:58PM
i managed a cell phone store for about 6 years and was very particular on who i would let shit in our bathroom. one day an elderly couple walks in and the wife asks to use the bathroom and of course i let her(old people can be trusted cant they?). so her husband mulls around the store asking the occasional question every few minutes until just over a half an hour has passed. she reappears from our back room and they make a hasty escape. one of my employees, a scummy 40 something year old, then comes to the front of the store which is full of customers and yells "the old bitch's colostomy bag broke in our bathroom!" well at this point the store started to smell terrible, and no one would clean the shit up including myself, so i called the owner and we shut down for the day while he called in a cleaning service to handle the situation. now i cant look at an old person without thinking that they want to take a rogue shit wherever they go to freak out the youngsters.
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