Dear Guy Attending This Live MMA Event: An Open Letter » Off Topic » Off Topic » Dear Guy Attending This Live MMA Event: An Open Letter
4/23/08 2:32:11AM
Found this on Cagepotato, thought it was great.

Dear Guy Attending This Live MMA Event,

Hey dude, how’s it going? I can’t help but notice that you’re sitting in the seat right behind mine. That’s cool. It’s just that – and I don’t want to sound like a jerk here or anything – you’re kind of driving me crazy.

I know you’re just trying to have a good time, but I have a couple of tips for you. Five, to be exact. Just hear me out:

1. You don’t need to catcall the ring girl every time she gets up to ply her trade. The first couple of times? When you shouted out crude expressions about parts of her body that you found attractive, once even suggesting that you would have sexual intercourse with her if given the chance? Yeah, I think she got the point then. You don’t have to keep doing it seven fights in. She knows how “totally freaking hot” she is without you screaming it at her.

2. Take it easy with the boo’s. Don’t get me wrong, I think expressing displeasure is your right as a ticket buyer. Maybe it’s even part of the fun. But if you boo at everything, I worry that soon you will make the act of booing seem meaningless.

It’s like in that last fight, when you booed as soon as the action hit the mat. Then you booed after the stand-up, and at the end of the round. You see that security guard? He’s coming over here to take your beer away. Then you’ll really have something to boo about.

3. We could do without the running commentary of every fight. Unless the guy you’re sitting with is blind, he doesn’t need you describing what’s happening at every moment. You also don’t need to tell us what you would do to get out of that armbar. We all realize that you “train.” We figured that out when you showed up wearing the t-shirt from your gym. Something tells me that you also wore a Danzig t-shirt to that Danzig show you once attended at this same arena and have mentioned several times already.

4. You’re right about how two guys fighting on the ground somewhat resembles the sex act. That’s really clever of you to point that out at the top of your lungs. It was almost as funny as when you shouted “kick his ass, Sea Bass.” Seriously funny stuff there, referencing that movie from the nineties. I never would have thought of doing that.

5. Lastly, please don’t pick a fight on your way out of the arena. I know it sounds like a good idea. You’ve just seen all this fighting and it has reminded you how cool violence is, but starting a fight here will only get you arrested. Plus, it’s not going to successfully impress that girl in the tube top. She’s here with her boyfriend. All the women here are.

Yes, that totally sucks. You’re right, Guy Attending This Live MMA Event. But what can we do?

Please let me know if you ever plan on attending another one of these. I’m going to stay home and watch TV.

Sincerely Yours,

Concerned MMA Fan

4/23/08 2:37:38AM

Thats pretty funny
4/23/08 3:27:56AM
4/23/08 7:38:26AM
That's pretty damn funny.

What's funny is, Frank Trigg actually sat behind me at 77. So, I didn't hear too many of these things coming from him of coarse. He was glued to his blackberry...well, he at least pretended to be anyway, when the Baba O'Reilly HL was playing, showing him getting spanked by Hughes.
4/23/08 9:21:57AM
4/24/08 10:22:30AM
These are the reasons why I will not go to an MMA show anywhere other than Japan.
4/24/08 12:49:23PM
Well, that's all those drunken rednecks told!
4/24/08 12:51:15PM
4/24/08 1:11:22PM
Is that really what it's like? If so then I'll never go to an event. It's bad enough when Frankie Edgar and Tyson Griffen get booed in one of the most exciting ******* chess matches I have seen since Diego Sanchez fought Nick Diaz.
I was one the edge of my seat writhing in anticipation, and these assholes are booing?

I had to sit my brother down after he made the ridiculous comment about how he just likes seeing people getting KTFO'D, and proclaimed his dislike to Jiu Jitsu. I thought my brother may have turned into Tank Abbott for awhiel? I explained to him that he wasn't 16 anymore and that there is alot more to this than punching a guy in the face, and if you want to continue to be invited to my house for "Fight Night" then you better come to an appreciation and respect for ground fighting, or be dissapointed by most fights. He conceeded that perhaps he was being extraordinarily close minded.
5/25/08 5:18:23AM
I agree with the list, except for the KICK HIS ASS, SEABASS LINE

kingpin was awesome

anyway yeah if your gonna go see a ufc event, you might want to think about going to one outside of the usa

there are some great american fans, but the ignorant ones roll in much higher packs.

Theres a ufc event coming to the city im in, and my girlfriend offered to buy me tickets. she was so surprised when i turned her down.

I agree with what joe rogan said a long time ago, they should sell weed instead of beers at the ufc events.

A lot of american fans are assholes already, mix in 8 overpriced beers and a "boring" fight and your just looking for a disaster
6/7/08 12:22:10PM
I kind of agree... Me I love the grappling aspect of MMA.. with out it.. It would just be like watching the WCL (World Combat League) or any other kickboxing event... I talk to people all the time and they make comments of dull grappling and two guys hugging on the ground... I explained grappling like this to one of my friends... He likes Chess so I worked it in... " Think of grappling like a human chess match, but if you make a mistake you just don't get your king knocked over. your get choked out or get an arm broken or something. " Then I told him to watch the grappling is Gay videos on your tube.... Now he wants to learn Jujitsu to go along with his stand up......

YOu figure most rednecks would like grappling.. it is so similiar to NASCAR... Long periods of seemingly nothing happen followed by explosive action that you never saw coming.. ... Plus it beats the hell of of the PBR... I still don't get the purpose of that...
6/7/08 8:34:14PM
The hell? The ad at the bottom of the page is 'Interracial Gay'...
6/9/08 2:54:19PM
I know this crap way to well. At UFC 83, I was sitting in front of Mark Laimon. Hes the guy who got dissed by Matt Serra on The Ultimate Fighter. Serra said to him "your like an expert swimmer that never got in the pool" something along those lines, all cuz Laimon was making comments on Royce Gracie. anyways this guys would NOT shut up. he had his girlfriend with him and even she told him to shut it. Guy is really an idiot, i F'in hate him 10x more after acting like a know it all and ruining my ears with that friggin annoying voice!
6/9/08 6:05:14PM
6/10/08 1:48:10AM

Posted by Mastodon2

Well, that's all those drunken rednecks told!

Not really, you have to know how to read first.
6/10/08 1:51:20AM

Posted by TimW001

The hell? The ad at the bottom of the page is 'Interracial Gay'...

I looked for it, not because I was interested but because I couldnt belive it.

Then I remembered, I am a PREMIUM MEMBER. I dont have adds on the page when I am on.

And by the way, back on topic. Great post bemin......
6/10/08 3:06:44PM
Guys at the bar are much worse. During UFC 81, my fiancee and myself had to put up with a guy who constantly kept screaming Ruas at every foot stomp. Later in the evening he was also telling everyone how Brock Lesnar was going to kill Mir and how Lesnar had been training submissions with "Big Nog." I really wish that I was making up that last part but I'm not.

Another annoying thing was at the UFC 77 weigh ins. There were these little kids wearing Gurgel gear and their mom was constantly trying to get them up front in the autograph/picture line. Some people would allow them to but most wouldn't. My friend and myself were getting annoyed with how the mom would cry if there kid didn't get their picture with whoever. It was rather annoying but I guess that's what I could expect that from a Gurgel fan.
6/10/08 6:02:51PM
ive never been to a live mma event, but that is exactly what the hockey games are like in my town. thats why i stopped going