Dead Baby Jokes please don't read if offended easy

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haggiswashere
9/6/08 6:19:11AM
I just got in trouble for responding to a comment someone made about punching babies by saying it was funny. I didn't think i should have been in trouble but oh well. I just wanna get some dead baby jokes outta the way for fun. Please respond with some too. OK... why did the baby cross the road? cuz it was chained to the bumper of a car. what is blue and taps on glass? a baby in a fish tank. what is the difference between an onion and a baby? No one cries when you chop up a baby. Come up with some too!!!
SmileR
9/6/08 7:34:53AM
Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babes?
Their isn't a Ferrari in my garage!

What red, slowly turning and and after a minute explodes?
The baby I just put in the microwave!

Whats blue and orange and hangs out at the bottom of pools?
A baby with burst arm bands!

Theirs some that I know... Man dead baby freak people out!


Aaronno9
9/6/08 10:10:24AM
Whats small, pink, and cant turn around in corridors?

A Baby.

With a javelin through its face.
Jimbo
9/6/08 10:16:20AM
whats funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown costume.
dannyfrank
9/6/08 10:51:44AM
whats the difference between a dead baby and tofu?

i dont eat tofu

EDIT: i didnt think that the joke i made about baby-punching would offend so many people
jiujitsufreak74
9/6/08 11:43:40AM


How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
F*cked.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

DJDark41
9/6/08 12:40:20PM
Whats worse then 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?






One dead baby nailed to 10 trees.
casey64
9/6/08 3:03:12PM



Its not that they offend me they just suck.
gravy13
9/6/08 3:39:02PM
Not a dead baby joke but funny nonetheless.....

What's the worst part about eating vegetables?




Putting them back in their wheelchair.
ncordless
9/6/08 3:49:10PM
What do dead babies and grapes have in common?
They both make a whine when you crush them.

What's the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of watermelons?
You can't unload the watermelons with a pitchfork.

What do you do with 15 dead babies and Jessica Alba and a bottle of KY?
Who cares about Jessica Alba when you've got all those dead babies?

What is sexier than a dead baby?

Nothing.

3 babies walk into a bar. The first one orders a tall glass of whiskey, slams it and dies of alcohol poisoning. The second baby walks over to the dance floor and is trampled so bad that he becomes nothing but a blood smear on the hardwood. The third baby looks at the bartender and says, "God, these dead baby jokes are sick"
haggiswashere
9/6/08 4:07:21PM

Posted by dannyfrank

whats the difference between a dead baby and tofu?

i dont eat tofu

EDIT: i didnt think that the joke i made about baby-punching would offend so many people



HEY! it's dannyfrank! he is the guy i replied to!
haggiswashere
9/6/08 4:14:07PM
What do you call a holy dead baby? a waste of bullets.

Whats black and white and red all over? a baby pelted to death by icy snow balls.

I didn't know if anyone would respond to these oh and any other polically incorrect jokes are welcome. and even chuck norris jokes
dannyfrank
9/6/08 5:06:15PM
whats funnier than a dead baby?

a dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome

Boo_Radley21
9/6/08 6:22:37PM

Posted by SmileR

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babes?
Their isn't a Ferrari in my garage!





What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I didn't lose my virginity in a Corvette
haggiswashere
9/6/08 6:54:50PM
What screams and flys in circles? A baby hanging from a ceiling fan.

What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? one is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What is another difference between a watermelon and a baby? you don't have to spit out those pesky seeds when you eat the baby.
haggiswashere
9/6/08 6:58:51PM
what's black and white and red all over? a zombie baby eating a nun.

How do you stop a baby form drowning? harpoon it!

What is the difference between a dead baby and christmas presents? i haven't ripped open my christmas presents yet!

haggiswashere
9/6/08 7:05:17PM
A man and a little boy are walking through the woods at night. The little boy looks around nervously. His eyes dart around everytime he hears something. Finally he looks up at the man and says "I'm scared" the man looks down and chuckles "YOU'RE scared? I'm the one who has to walk out of here alone!!!"
papercut
9/7/08 5:37:17PM
whats moist and red and crawling up your leg?-- homesick abortion
dannyfrank
9/7/08 5:53:33PM

Posted by papercut

whats moist and red and crawling up your leg?-- homesick abortion



for some reason, that one kinda bothers me
Ben_Hutch
9/7/08 11:01:53PM

Posted by dannyfrank


Posted by papercut

whats moist and red and crawling up your leg?-- homesick abortion



for some reason, that one kinda bothers me



Same, my mum had an abortion and it wasn't because she chose to have one either, I laughed at all the other jokes but that one kind of made me go "Oh "
We_Todd_Did
9/8/08 2:43:54AM
How do you make a dead baby float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 scoop of dead baby, root beer.
haggiswashere
9/8/08 3:53:33AM

Posted by We_Todd_Did

How do you make a dead baby float?

2 scoops of ice cream, 1 scoop of dead baby, root beer.



haha oh my god! that was is probably one of my favorite ones i have heard so far on this one

hey why couldn't helen keller drive? cuz she is a woman!

why did the baby cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken!!

whats better than a dead baby in a dumpster? ten babies in a dumpster!!!
Aaronno9
9/8/08 11:40:25AM
Ok, so ive been back and forth on whether or not i should go their, but whatever....


How long goes it take to cook a baby in a micro wave?

I dont know


I was to busy jacking off.
haggiswashere
9/8/08 4:22:45PM
whats harder than nailing a baby to a wall? to stop laughing when the cops come.

whats funnier than a dead baby? two dead babies!!

Was smells worse than a baby that has been dead two weeks? if it soiled itself before it died!!!
dannyfrank
9/8/08 6:16:16PM
what do you call a dead baby with no arms or legs hanging on your wall? art

how do you make a man pregnant? shove a dead baby up his ass

what do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? a baby with a black eye

how do you get 100 babies in a bucket? with a blender

how do you get them out? tortilla chips
haggiswashere
9/9/08 4:43:07AM
what sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.

how do you make a baby stop crying? an axe.

what do vegetarian dingos eat? cabbage patch kids
jgtribbett
9/10/08 6:10:45PM
i didnt take the time to read anyone elses.. i was with the marines for 4 years.. i've already heard them.. haha. but this one comes from a pastures son.

what is the best part of ******* a dead baby?

hearing its pelvis crack!!

wanna know what the worste part is?

getting the blood out of the clown suit
bigbubbano23
9/10/08 11:13:30PM
what do you get when you have a pile of dead babies and a piece of glass

a coffee table

what did the blind, deaf, mute kid get for christmas

cancer
haggiswashere
9/10/08 11:35:39PM
What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

whats blue and sits in the corner? a dead baby with a bag over its head.

what is green, slimy, smells disgusting and sits in the corner? the same baby three weeks later!

cowcatcher
9/11/08 2:55:49PM

Posted by aaa9erh8er

lmao i dont agree with any of those joes but there are funny as hell
ok i got one but im not sure its technically racist so i dont want to get in any trouble so just no that i aint no raceist at all
but how long does it take a black lady to take a shit
9 months



my girlfriend is black, but for some reason this one made me laugh.......not sure if i should tell her though
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