Dating Site Quandary

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warglory
9/10/12 11:19:00PM
So I have been browsing and messaging various women on OKCupid, and have run into a bit of a situation. Now I have had success with online dating before, nothing long term, but I have had quality dates which have led to hook ups. I have found myself in a new situation though, that is kind of a good problem I guess?

I have encountered two women, contacted around the same time, and struck up conversations with both around the same time as well. Both are good looking with interesting careers, who are definitely interesting to chat with. I was going about my business with each one, not thinking anything of my predicament considering it's very normal to talk to more than one person on a dating website, when it suddenly dawned on me. If I continue to show interest in both women, and they reciprocate, it's going to lead to a first date scenario.

Now I'll be the first to say that I'm no player, and I am too old to start being a player. I am far more interested in the relationship aspect of things than just getting laid, so trying to pursue both women is not my cup of tea. So that leaves me with said quandary. I have never been faced with such a situation before with online dating. Do I pursue a first date with both and see where it takes me? I am not against this, but what if both end up being uber amazing ladies?

I usually don't end up in these kinds of predicaments.
cowcatcher
9/10/12 11:23:11PM
If they both end up being cool, then I say you see just how cool and toss out the idea of a menage a trois. If they say no they were both probably lesbians to begin with.
thevoodooninja
9/10/12 11:29:58PM
cowcatcher is on to something, if i was you i would see just how uber amazing these ladies are
Aether
9/10/12 11:34:36PM
Meet both, see how it goes, decide the next step once you have more information.
cowcatcher
9/10/12 11:41:39PM

Posted by Aether

Meet both, see how it goes, decide the next step once you have more information.



This isn't a bad idea if you want to play it safe, but playing it safe never leads to...

Gogoplatapus
9/10/12 11:55:09PM

Posted by Aether

Meet both, see how it goes, decide the next step once you have more information.



Quality advice.
prophecy033
9/11/12 12:04:11AM
Take a date with each (if it gets that far) or maybe 2 and see how they go. No need to break off talking to either one just yet. Make a informed decision with the most info. There may be something about one that annoys you or something of that nature. Good luck and happy hunting bro
infestructure
9/11/12 3:33:31AM

Posted by cowcatcher

If they both end up being cool, then I say you see just how cool and toss out the idea of a menage a trois. If they say no they were both probably lesbians to begin with.



Good idea, aside from it may put them both off, and warglory will be left dick in hand.

I say just keep pursuing both until you know a bit more about each, you don't want to make a hasty decision, and no one will blame you for feeling out the situation with both prospects for 'future Mrs Warglory'. Good luck bro!

Adrenaline
9/11/12 4:07:53AM
Warglory, I'm gonna do you a solid and be your wingman on this one.

Here is the plan:

You are going to keep chatting up both of them. Then you invite both on a date at the same place at the same time. Sounds crazy, I know but here is where I have your back. Your gonna sneak into the restaurant/bar/dark alley and take a peek and decide which one you find more attractive. You get her and then ol' Addy will stroll up to the other lady (the fat one?) and say "Whats up baby, my names Warglory". I'll take the one you don't want, you get the lady of your dreams, and I'll get maybe like half a handy if I'm lucky. I will treat her really well and then break it off so you retain your online rep as a nice guy.


Of course this plan hinges on you not knowing what each other looks like. I guess most online dating sites let you share profile pics ect so we can hope that we look similar or I can just tell the lady I end up with that I had to have plastic surgery to correct breathing issues. If she doesn't believe me, I will show her a picture of Wanderlei Silva circa 2005 and then Wandy circa 2009 and ask her if they are the same person. When she says no, I will say "HA!" and show her proof. Then she will have to believe me.


Fool proof.

kopower
9/11/12 7:08:47AM
Definitely go out with both. You never know if one has a tattoo saying cum dumpster, or semen demon. Best to check these things out in person and get an explanation.
ghandikush
9/11/12 9:28:01AM

Posted by kopower

Definitely go out with both. You never know if one has a tattoo saying cum dumpster, or semen demon. Best to check these things out in person and get an explanation.



lol one of em could have a 6 cankle overlap and be batshit crazy/lying. Or both whatever.
Bubbles
9/11/12 9:29:45AM
go on a first date with both, then have a second date at her place. Don't forget to bring good wine. Then choose the one who cooks and cleans better
postman
9/11/12 9:30:26AM
Yeah just cause your dating two woman at the same time doesn't make you a player. The chance you have two amazing woman on the hook is like seeing a fucking purple Unicorn. Trust me even if its you that sucks you'll find a way to blame it on her. Plus you really won't know which you prefer until your balls deep.
aussiemma
9/11/12 9:43:25AM

Posted by Adrenaline

Warglory, I'm gonna do you a solid and be your wingman on this one.

Here is the plan:

You are going to keep chatting up both of them. Then you invite both on a date at the same place at the same time. Sounds crazy, I know but here is where I have your back. Your gonna sneak into the restaurant/bar/dark alley and take a peek and decide which one you find more attractive. You get her and then ol' Addy will stroll up to the other lady (the fat one?) and say "Whats up baby, my names Warglory". I'll take the one you don't want, you get the lady of your dreams, and I'll get maybe like half a handy if I'm lucky. I will treat her really well and then break it off so you retain your online rep as a nice guy.


Of course this plan hinges on you not knowing what each other looks like. I guess most online dating sites let you share profile pics ect so we can hope that we look similar or I can just tell the lady I end up with that I had to have plastic surgery to correct breathing issues. If she doesn't believe me, I will show her a picture of Wanderlei Silva circa 2005 and then Wandy circa 2009 and ask her if they are the same person. When she says no, I will say "HA!" and show her proof. Then she will have to believe me.


Fool proof.




Adrenaline why you not do the pick ems ey ?
warglory
9/11/12 10:28:26AM


All valuable pieces of advice. Thank you gentlemen!
airkerma
9/11/12 10:59:23AM
Persue both, when the shoe is on the other foot (provided nobody claims exclusivity), chicks will say "there's nothing wrong with going on dates with other people". Been there, done that. Especially for a first date...you're just two people doing some stuff, doesn't sound very bad to me.
DancingDoll
9/11/12 11:12:26AM
It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.
Svartorm
9/11/12 1:30:07PM

Posted by warglory

So I have been browsing and messaging various women on OKCupid, and have run into a bit of a situation. Now I have had success with online dating before, nothing long term, but I have had quality dates which have led to hook ups. I have found myself in a new situation though, that is kind of a good problem I guess?

I have encountered two women, contacted around the same time, and struck up conversations with both around the same time as well. Both are good looking with interesting careers, who are definitely interesting to chat with. I was going about my business with each one, not thinking anything of my predicament considering it's very normal to talk to more than one person on a dating website, when it suddenly dawned on me. If I continue to show interest in both women, and they reciprocate, it's going to lead to a first date scenario.

Now I'll be the first to say that I'm no player, and I am too old to start being a player. I am far more interested in the relationship aspect of things than just getting laid, so trying to pursue both women is not my cup of tea. So that leaves me with said quandary. I have never been faced with such a situation before with online dating. Do I pursue a first date with both and see where it takes me? I am not against this, but what if both end up being uber amazing ladies?

I usually don't end up in these kinds of predicaments.



Hey bro. I used dating sites for years and met my wife through one, and online dating is it's own experience for sure. At times I was dating four of five women at a time, so two isn't really a big deal, as they're likely doing the same thing. You need to get some face time to figure out not just which one you like, but if you even like EITHER of them, or if they like you. People are very different online, in text, etc.

It's all about what people feel that tipping point is with dating where you become exclusive, and that point is different for everyone, but very few people consider one or two dates to mean you're exclusive. In my experience, this tipping point will also tell you a lot about that girl. If they DO think you're exclusive after one date, they're probably going to be on the clingy side, where as if they're down with sex after a date or two, they're doing that with everyone and thats not a recipe for long-term relationships.

So, talk with both and date both if possible, and take it from there bro!
scoozna
9/11/12 2:00:31PM
I have no online dating experience but it seems to me that actually meeting the ladies (both) will tell you a lot more about them - which will most definitely help you decide. Like others have said, I'm sure they are doing it too if they are even half as cool as they seem to you.

Or...you could get them both in a cage, put on the sparring gear and let them go at it for 5 minutes. Who ever wins the round is superior.

Or...have them pick all the fights on the UFC152 card and see who scores higher...that's the one you want to be with.

Bubbles
9/11/12 2:57:42PM

Posted by DancingDoll

It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.


well that's nice and all, but I wanna hear from a real woman...Vero3
DancingDoll
9/11/12 3:26:15PM

Posted by Bubbles


Posted by DancingDoll

It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.


well that's nice and all, but I wanna hear from a real woman...Vero3



Am I not traditionally girly enough for you???

Ok, fine. I'll put my pink glitter, code-red-clinger tiara on and demand total monogamy by the end of the first email.

'cuz this is how 'real girls' always play it, yeah? :)
prophecy033
9/11/12 3:34:11PM

Posted by DancingDoll


Posted by Bubbles


Posted by DancingDoll

It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.


well that's nice and all, but I wanna hear from a real woman...Vero3



Am I not traditionally girly enough for you???

Ok, fine. I'll put my pink glitter, code-red-clinger tiara on and demand total monogamy by the end of the first email.

'cuz this is how 'real girls' always play it, yeah? :)

I like you just how you are DD, so much so, here's my address

4*** se M***** St. Milwaukie, Oregon 97***
DancingDoll
9/11/12 3:53:01PM

Posted by prophecy033


Posted by DancingDoll


Posted by Bubbles


Posted by DancingDoll

It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.


well that's nice and all, but I wanna hear from a real woman...Vero3



Am I not traditionally girly enough for you???

Ok, fine. I'll put my pink glitter, code-red-clinger tiara on and demand total monogamy by the end of the first email.

'cuz this is how 'real girls' always play it, yeah? :)

I like you just how you are DD, so much so, here's my address

4*** se M***** St. Milwaukie, Oregon 97***



I like how you play hard to get, Prophecy...
prophecy033
9/11/12 3:58:54PM

Posted by DancingDoll


Posted by prophecy033


Posted by DancingDoll


Posted by Bubbles


Posted by DancingDoll

It wastes too much valuable dating and mating time to only focus on one person at a time in these early stages. Who knows how many guys they're chatting up and meeting too, right? I think it's all a free zone until you have that 'exclusive' talk well into the dating process, or maybe until you're having regular sex with one of them. Until then, it's all just casual dating, which means more than one person. Whether all those people come from a dating site, or are mixed up with people you meet in bars or random life, it's all good.

One caveat - if either girl asks about your dating life, just be upfront and say that you're 'casually dating but there's nothing serious'. That's fair. That also lights a bit of 'competitive' interest in you too - if she wants you, she'll step up her game. But it also sets the stage that if you're seeing one girl occasionally to hang out, have drinks or hook up or whatever, and then you happen to be on a date with another girl and accidentally run into the first one, that you don't have to hide behind your menu or duck into an alley or something.

Once you're established as being *really* into one girl exclusively, then you should delete or shut your date-ad down. Until then, everyone should assume that you're dating multiple people and you should assume that they are as well.


well that's nice and all, but I wanna hear from a real woman...Vero3



Am I not traditionally girly enough for you???

Ok, fine. I'll put my pink glitter, code-red-clinger tiara on and demand total monogamy by the end of the first email.

'cuz this is how 'real girls' always play it, yeah? :)

I like you just how you are DD, so much so, here's my address

4*** se M***** St. Milwaukie, Oregon 97***



I like how you play hard to get, Prophecy...

If you only knew