Chuck Norris Jokes

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Billy_Soup
3/4/07 7:21:33PM
Not sure if posted:

Chuck Norris doesn't have AIDS, but he can give it to you.
madmarck
3/4/07 9:42:35PM

Posted by Billy_Soup

Not sure if posted:

Chuck Norris doesn't have AIDS, but he can give it to you.


ahahahahahahahahahahha man that was a awesome one. It isnt good unless someone gets offened.
hippysmacker
3/6/07 8:12:32PM
Chuck was unbeatable... till He fought Randy
mmadb
3/6/07 11:14:34PM
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

If you're really bored there's like a million of em here http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck.
raider8
5/1/07 1:49:03PM
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Funny funny stuff!
Playground_Samurai
5/7/07 7:30:38PM
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, but deflecting them, JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.


Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.


Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
skiba97
5/7/07 8:12:34PM
Hope none of these have been said already, they were my favourites when i first heard them -

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can “accidentally” roundhouse kick kids in the neck.
Svartorm
5/8/07 1:13:31AM

Posted by gspfan

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.



I think thats my favorite one yet.
rcg916
5/8/07 5:10:56AM
this stuff never gets old...
Stickan
5/8/07 1:30:55PM
Usama bin Ladin grew a beard just to look like Chuck Norris.
madmarck
5/29/07 10:00:48AM

Posted by skiba97

Hope none of these have been said already, they were my favourites when i first heard them -

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can “accidentally” roundhouse kick kids in the neck.



OOhhhh those are some good ones.
rameydl8
6/5/07 2:40:19AM
chuck norris can unscramble an egg

jesus didnt walk on water he got kicked across the ocean by chuck norris

when chuck norris talks about his sex life even sue johansen is takin tips

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the f*ck out

chuck norris broke the land speed record on a bike with no chain and no back tire


There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once ate a hamburger and he pooped out a cow.

chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris

Chuck Norris’ sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

chuck norris doesnt have to cut his graas he just dares his grass to grow

Chuck Norris once had an erection. We now know the consequence as the Grand Canyon

chuck norris is not hung like a horse...a horse is hung like chuck norris

only one person cried at chuck norris’s birth….. it was the doctor…………………… never slap chuck norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t tea-bag women, he potato-sacks them.


Chuck Norris can hear hair grow!

Chuck Norris is the reason that Daniel Powter is having a bad day.

One day Chuck Norris tripped and fell. He roundhouse kicked the ground for causing such an error, and today we have the Pacific Ocean.




















DJDark41
6/5/07 2:22:50PM

Posted by rameydl8

chuck norris can unscramble an egg

jesus didnt walk on water he got kicked across the ocean by chuck norris

when chuck norris talks about his sex life even sue johansen is takin tips

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the f*ck out

chuck norris broke the land speed record on a bike with no chain and no back tire


There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once ate a hamburger and he pooped out a cow.

chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris

Chuck Norris’ sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

chuck norris doesnt have to cut his graas he just dares his grass to grow

Chuck Norris once had an erection. We now know the consequence as the Grand Canyon

chuck norris is not hung like a horse...a horse is hung like chuck norris

only one person cried at chuck norris’s birth….. it was the doctor…………………… never slap chuck norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t tea-bag women, he potato-sacks them.


Chuck Norris can hear hair grow!

Chuck Norris is the reason that Daniel Powter is having a bad day.

One day Chuck Norris tripped and fell. He roundhouse kicked the ground for causing such an error, and today we have the Pacific Ocean.







Those are some pretty good ones too, I love the one about Daniel Powter.
hippysmacker
6/5/07 6:50:45PM

Posted by rameydl8

chuck norris can unscramble an egg

jesus didnt walk on water he got kicked across the ocean by chuck norris

when chuck norris talks about his sex life even sue johansen is takin tips

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the f*ck out

chuck norris broke the land speed record on a bike with no chain and no back tire


There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once ate a hamburger and he pooped out a cow.

chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris

Chuck Norris’ sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

chuck norris doesnt have to cut his graas he just dares his grass to grow

Chuck Norris once had an erection. We now know the consequence as the Grand Canyon

chuck norris is not hung like a horse...a horse is hung like chuck norris

only one person cried at chuck norris’s birth….. it was the doctor…………………… never slap chuck norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t tea-bag women, he potato-sacks them.


Chuck Norris can hear hair grow!

Chuck Norris is the reason that Daniel Powter is having a bad day.

One day Chuck Norris tripped and fell. He roundhouse kicked the ground for causing such an error, and today we have the Pacific Ocean.


Great additions




















Infused
6/5/07 7:05:16PM
The one my friend told me everyday for a year:

God is just sitting in for Chuck Norris until Chuck Norris is done kicking ass on Earth.

I don't even think its that funny, but for some reason my friend thought it was the best thing since sliced bread.
bigbubbano23
4/26/08 11:30:01PM
50 cent got shot in the face nine times, he's been roundhoused kicked by chuck noriss zero times and that is why he lived.
EON
4/28/08 8:05:39AM
chuck norris beat up jim cozad
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