Would You Allow yo Significant Other to go for Coffee w/ a member of the opposite Sex

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Shawn91111
10/4/13 9:40:45PM
This was brought up at Sherdog and has almost 1000 replies, mostly from a few insecure, paranoid people.

Anyhow the original question was

Would you allow your wife or girlfriend to go for Coffee with a member of the opposite Sex. Why or why not?

Now im assuming it was meant as a male or female friend of their partners and not some stranger asking for a date.

I myself have female friends, a few which are a decade old in the friendship, so my wife is fine with it and vice versa, I have zero issue with it and am not the jealous type at all

So what would you say your answer is?
Poor_Franklin
10/4/13 9:41:33PM
Yes
NikkiNeversleep
10/4/13 9:46:32PM
sure i dont see why not. if you trust someone you trust them, if you dont, well then you dont lol.
george112
10/4/13 9:54:50PM
Depends.
But for the most part no
kopower
10/4/13 10:02:17PM
Yeah. It might be weird if it were a daily thing, but every once in awhile is fine. I completely trust my wife, so I know she wouldn't do anything, and would shut the guy down if he tried to hit on her.
SpiderSilva
10/4/13 10:03:46PM
Yep.


I wouldnt have any insrcurities about it. Honestly we've been with each other almost half our lives. I'm pretty sure she would never want to ruin our lives over cheating.



On a side note one of her co worker friend(girl) would get mrsspidersilva's hand and rub it on the friends boob jokingly. She made the mistake of telling me so everyday for months I would ask if she touched any boobs at work today. Probably as close to cheating as it would ever get.
KungFuMaster
10/4/13 11:10:23PM
I am far from being insecure but I wouldn't want my wife to be having coffee with another dude unless it is business related. Second of all, my wife would not do that to me. Third, as Americanized as I am, I am still deeply rooted in my heritage and culture and customs which frowns upon these sort of lifestyles. I know in the American culture if you undergo a divorce, it is no biggie. The hardship comes from the divorce itself. In the Hmong community, if you undergo a divorce, your status in life drops significantly. It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, you'll be labeled as a divorcee and in our language, the term divorcee has condescending connotations...So you can imagine the kind of pressures it has on us.

I will say this - the younger generations don't care too much about our culture anymore and it is becoming apparent and it shows in the drastic increase of failed marriages within the Hmong community. You can draw a correlation between Americanized minorities and divorces. The more Americanize the minorities become, the higher the divorce rate is for them. And if you take a look at the divorce rate in America, you'll see that - as women become more independent and women's rights are on the rise, too rises the divorce rate.

What does this mean? It means that when a woman is held to the same light as a man, you no longer have a man and a woman. What you have is a man and a wannabe man and these two tend to bump heads more frequently than a man and a woman.

I'm all for equal rights and to tell you the truth - I've already been converted. My wife wears the pants in the house and I'm confident 90 percent of present day married couples in the U.S. have converted as well so I'm not ashamed to admit it. And if any man dares say he wears the pants in the house, he is either lying or abusive.
Bubbles
10/4/13 11:46:29PM
ok....so back on track

I'd have no issues as long as he is a friend and not some guy she just met at the library or yoga class or where ever. Hell I'd encourage my chick to touch other titties
KungFuMaster
10/4/13 11:48:44PM

Posted by KungFuMaster

I am far from being insecure but I wouldn't want my wife to be having coffee with another dude unless it is business related. Second of all, my wife would not do that to me. Third, as Americanized as I am, I am still deeply rooted in my heritage and culture and customs which frowns upon these sort of lifestyles. I know in the American culture if you undergo a divorce, it is no biggie. The hardship comes from the divorce itself. In the Hmong community, if you undergo a divorce, your status in life drops significantly. It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, you'll be labeled as a divorcee and in our language, the term divorcee has condescending connotations...So you can imagine the kind of pressures it has on us.

I will say this - the younger generations don't care too much about our culture anymore and it is becoming apparent and it shows in the drastic increase of failed marriages within the Hmong community. You can draw a correlation between Americanized minorities and divorces. The more Americanize the minorities become, the higher the divorce rate is for them. And if you take a look at the divorce rate in America, you'll see that - as women become more independent and women's rights are on the rise, too rises the divorce rate.

What does this mean? It means that when a woman is held to the same light as a man, you no longer have a man and a woman. What you have is a man and a wannabe man and these two tend to bump heads more frequently than a man and a woman.

I'm all for equal rights and to tell you the truth - I've already been converted. My wife wears the pants in the house and I'm confident 90 percent of present day married couples in the U.S. have converted as well so I'm not ashamed to admit it. And if any man dares say he wears the pants in the house, he is either lying or abusive.



So what does my mumbo jumbo have anything to do with the question stated in the OP? If you cherish your relationship or more importantly, marriage, you wouldn't like it when your significant other or more importantly, spouse, is having coffee with another dude you don't even know. Why on earth would you like it when your spouse is having coffee with another man? The problem is we think we've surpassed the laws of nature in our modernized societies. No matter how modernized we've become, some things are better suited to follow the laws of nature. You have to protect your woman from swinging dicks. We don't see the alpha male lion sitting in the shade while his misses share a gazelle with a male lion. Women still need to be women in some areas of life. And although many men like myself have converted to wearing the dress, we still need to be men in some areas of our lives.
Bubbles
10/5/13 12:01:09AM
yes that premise I covered already in the 2nd sentence in my post. The fact you want to control who she can and can't see is a little disturbing. If she want's to hang out with a male friend who she grew up with or went to school with or her sister's boyfriend/husband, I'd trust her and have no issues with her social circle. If it is a random guy she just met, then yes I agree with you
prozacnation1978
10/5/13 12:17:22AM
I wouldnt mind at all
jae_1833
10/5/13 1:14:13AM
After 12 years of marriage and 3 kids this would be the least of my problems...no more dangerous than he girls night out debacles.
Poor_Franklin
10/5/13 1:51:38AM
The only way my gf of 8 years would make me mad by having coffee or a drink with another guy is if she didnt tell me.
Now if she told me she had a beer with a guy after work that I didnt know, I would ask about him, but that's normal.
To say one doesnt cherish their relationship with their significant other if they dont care if they do this is wrong. That might be how you feel, but to assume this about other people is way off.
Drudinh
10/5/13 4:17:16AM

Posted by jae_1833

After 12 years of marriage and 3 kids this would be the least of my problems...no more dangerous than he girls night out debacles.



It is the girls night out crap that gets me worried. I would never be allowed on a guys night out and I know it would be mistevious as I assume the girl ones are. I trust my wife if she were with any dude. doesn't mean i trust the guys though... and I most certainly don't trust the girlfriends especially the more married ones that are out for the night. Shit I wish a guy would buy my wife coffee so that she stops spending so much of our money on starbucks
prozacnation1978
10/5/13 7:44:42AM
Trust the women but sure as hell don't trust the man

Alot of women I just had coffee with I eventually slept with
I don't sleep with married women. But I am amazed how many married women that would
airkerma
10/5/13 8:11:48AM
Of course, I am absolutely stunning and no mortal man is a threat to me
Svartorm
10/5/13 11:15:00AM
I don't like telling adults what they can and can't do, and I trust my wife. Someone mentioned earlier that the issue would be if it was done in secret/you were never told.
jakewalters
10/5/13 11:28:22AM
Of course. You can't be so suffocating that your partner can't even get coffee with someone of the opposite sex.

The most serious relationship I was in ended kinda related to the same topic of trust. I was leaving for the summer, and she told me her ex-boyfriend was gonna be visiting from out of town while I was gone (much different situation than coffee, and I was trying to be Mr. Cool) so I played the card of "I don't care.. you're your own person, and I'm not gonna stop you from hanging out with certain people." Let's just say the relationship was in its final week at that point. Actually before I even got cheated on, I asked if she saw the possibility of her getting back with her ex. She said yes and that she was just being honest, and I ended things then and there. At the time (18 or 19 years old or so) I thought "Really? I'm never giving a girlfriend that much space again." but now that I'm a little older I realize that the relationship probably would have ended because of the person I was dating, not the decisions I made. (Funny side note, she got married/divorced 5 months after we broke up, and now shes dating a 50 year old nearly thirty years her senior.)

So long story short, I think the best choice is to always trust your partner. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if you don't trust the person you're with the relationship is probably headed downward. Whether or not you trust the person will probably have no bearing on whether that person actually cheats on you or not, and at least if you have trust the relationship will be enjoyable. To be honest, after all that stuff that happened I have this latent distrust about relationships in general, and I haven't really been in a serious relationship since. Yay trust issues!
Budgellism
10/5/13 11:48:34AM

Posted by Svartorm

I don't like telling adults what they can and can't do, and I trust my wife. Someone mentioned earlier that the issue would be if it was done in secret/you were never told.



This sums up my answer pretty nicely. Although, I'm not married.
Bubbles
10/5/13 11:58:36AM
way to go Jake, you were her rock and your selfish behaviour destroyed her self esteem. Score one for the man!

Jake 1
Jake's ladyfriends 77
NikkiNeversleep
10/5/13 12:06:45PM

Posted by jakewalters

Of course. You can't be so suffocating that your partner can't even get coffee with someone of the opposite sex.

The most serious relationship I was in ended kinda related to the same topic of trust. I was leaving for the summer, and she told me her ex-boyfriend was gonna be visiting from out of town while I was gone (much different situation than coffee, and I was trying to be Mr. Cool) so I played the card of "I don't care.. you're your own person, and I'm not gonna stop you from hanging out with certain people." Let's just say the relationship was in its final week at that point. Actually before I even got cheated on, I asked if she saw the possibility of her getting back with her ex. She said yes and that she was just being honest, and I ended things then and there. At the time (18 or 19 years old or so) I thought "Really? I'm never giving a girlfriend that much space again." but now that I'm a little older I realize that the relationship probably would have ended because of the person I was dating, not the decisions I made. (Funny side note, she got married/divorced 5 months after we broke up, and now shes dating a 50 year old nearly thirty years her senior.)

So long story short, I think the best choice is to always trust your partner. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if you don't trust the person you're with the relationship is probably headed downward. Whether or not you trust the person will probably have no bearing on whether that person actually cheats on you or not, and at least if you have trust the relationship will be enjoyable. To be honest, after all that stuff that happened I have this latent distrust about relationships in general, and I haven't really been in a serious relationship since. Yay trust issues!


jakewalters
10/5/13 12:10:24PM

Posted by Bubbles

way to go Jake, you were her rock and your selfish behaviour destroyed her self esteem. Score one for the man!

Jake 1
Jake's ladyfriends 77



Shawn91111
10/5/13 1:12:58PM

Posted by KungFuMaster


Posted by KungFuMaster

I am far from being insecure but I wouldn't want my wife to be having coffee with another dude unless it is business related. Second of all, my wife would not do that to me. Third, as Americanized as I am, I am still deeply rooted in my heritage and culture and customs which frowns upon these sort of lifestyles. I know in the American culture if you undergo a divorce, it is no biggie. The hardship comes from the divorce itself. In the Hmong community, if you undergo a divorce, your status in life drops significantly. It doesn't matter if you're a doctor, you'll be labeled as a divorcee and in our language, the term divorcee has condescending connotations...So you can imagine the kind of pressures it has on us.

I will say this - the younger generations don't care too much about our culture anymore and it is becoming apparent and it shows in the drastic increase of failed marriages within the Hmong community. You can draw a correlation between Americanized minorities and divorces. The more Americanize the minorities become, the higher the divorce rate is for them. And if you take a look at the divorce rate in America, you'll see that - as women become more independent and women's rights are on the rise, too rises the divorce rate.

What does this mean? It means that when a woman is held to the same light as a man, you no longer have a man and a woman. What you have is a man and a wannabe man and these two tend to bump heads more frequently than a man and a woman.

I'm all for equal rights and to tell you the truth - I've already been converted. My wife wears the pants in the house and I'm confident 90 percent of present day married couples in the U.S. have converted as well so I'm not ashamed to admit it. And if any man dares say he wears the pants in the house, he is either lying or abusive.



So what does my mumbo jumbo have anything to do with the question stated in the OP? If you cherish your relationship or more importantly, marriage, you wouldn't like it when your significant other or more importantly, spouse, is having coffee with another dude you don't even know. Why on earth would you like it when your spouse is having coffee with another man? The problem is we think we've surpassed the laws of nature in our modernized societies. No matter how modernized we've become, some things are better suited to follow the laws of nature. You have to protect your woman from swinging dicks. We don't see the alpha male lion sitting in the shade while his misses share a gazelle with a male lion. Women still need to be women in some areas of life. And although many men like myself have converted to wearing the dress, we still need to be men in some areas of our lives.





So if I know my wife for 10 years, she has had a great male friend for 12 years, she isnt allowed to have coffee with them? What kind of insecurity do you have that you think you have all that your wife needs in terms of conversation etc.
jjeans
10/5/13 1:45:41PM

Posted by Shawn9111111

Would You Allow yo Significant Other to go for Coffee w/ a member of the opposite Sex



Hell no. She's always told me she doesn't like coffee.







KungFuMaster
10/5/13 4:02:40PM
lol at all the responses intended for me - I never said you shouldn't allow your significant other to have coffee with the opposite sex.

[ This is what I said: If you cherish your relationship or more importantly, marriage, you wouldn't like it when your significant other or more importantly, spouse, is having coffee with another dude you don't even know. Why on earth would you like it when your spouse is having coffee with another man? ] That is what I said but you're welcome to interpret it however you wish.
Shawn91111
10/5/13 4:26:30PM

Posted by KungFuMaster

lol at all the responses intended for me - I never said you shouldn't allow your significant other to have coffee with the opposite sex.

[ This is what I said: If you cherish your relationship or more importantly, marriage, you wouldn't like it when your significant other or more importantly, spouse, is having coffee with another dude you don't even know. Why on earth would you like it when your spouse is having coffee with another man? ] That is what I said but you're welcome to interpret it however you wish.




Do you like it if she goes out with her female friends?
Michael_Corleone
10/5/13 4:30:25PM
Sure, as long as she doesn't come home and try to kiss me with that nasty ass coffee breath lol.
SpiderSilva
10/5/13 5:04:36PM

Posted by prozacnation1978

Trust the women but sure as hell don't trust the man

Alot of women I just had coffee with I eventually slept with
I don't sleep with married women. But I am amazed how many married women that would




KungFuMaster
10/5/13 6:01:16PM

Posted by Shawn91111


Posted by KungFuMaster

lol at all the responses intended for me - I never said you shouldn't allow your significant other to have coffee with the opposite sex.

[ This is what I said: If you cherish your relationship or more importantly, marriage, you wouldn't like it when your significant other or more importantly, spouse, is having coffee with another dude you don't even know. Why on earth would you like it when your spouse is having coffee with another man? ] That is what I said but you're welcome to interpret it however you wish.




Do you like it if she goes out with her female friends?



I actually encourage my wife to go out with her female friends. We both need a break from each other every now and then. Just so we are clear, I have never told my wife she can't hang out with her male friends. I know my wife well enough to know that she knows I won't like it but here's the thing you don't know about me - I'll never tell her he can't. I'm not a controlling freak. The only thing I'm aware of that makes me a freak is I'm an overly protective father.
jjeans
10/5/13 6:14:43PM

Posted by Michael_Corleone

Sure, as long as she doesn't come home and try to kiss me with that nasty ass coffee breath lol.



Ahhhhh

This guy, this guy
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